When God Writes Your Story

It was the last day of Retreat and everyone was milling around in the lobby, waiting for their groups, hauling luggage to the cars and saying goodbyes. I was standing to the side with a couple of my besties, pretty much just tryna stay outta everbody's way.

Then this blonde-headed, blue-eyed firefighter is standing there in front of me, shaking hands with my friends and asking where we went to church. "Ethan Pritchard." I liked him right away; this was a good decent guy if I'd ever seen one. But nothing could come of that, right? He didn't have my number; for all I knew, he'd never seen me before.

I was driving home with Faith and Loyal Carlon the next day when my cell phone rang. "Um...do you know a guy named Ethan Pritchard?" It was Mom, with the very essence of teasing in her voice. "Oh, yeah...   why?" "He called Dad and asked if he could talk to you..."

I was speechless.

Frankly; I had had it with guys at that point. Every girl has her share of "creepers" during the teen years, and I was annoyed to death. From the guy who lived somewhere across the ocean who showed up on facebook, to the 50 year old who asked me out at work...I was tired of dealing with it all. Exhausted, really. But...there was something different about this one. I liked him. He seemed steady.

So I prayed, and prayed, and prayed and prayed...and told Dad to let him know that I was willing to talk with him.

And then the magic started - the very first time I heard him say my name. (Secretly, I had always hoped it would be special when "my man" first said my name. Always, I had listened for "specialness" when other guys were around, but nothing was ever different. This time it was; and I was giddy with excitement.)

We talked for about a month, then he decided to come up and visit. He met my family, took me out on our first date, choked down his first cup of coffee, and got stuck in a snowstorm on his way back to sunny North Carolina. (19 hours in a snowstorm, people - that's one devoted guy!) I felt as soon as he was gone, that I was missing part of me. And his blue eyes.....     :)

But I still wanted to be sure that it was God's perfect will. I cannot tell you how many times I prayed earnestly about it; but one night I got desperate. It was about 1:00 in the morning, and I knelt down beside my bed to hash it out. It was 3:00 am before my head hit the pillow, but I went to sleep with peace that God had heard me.

I know some people may think it's weird, but as I was staying there, asking God to lead me, wondering why I felt nothing at all, this song came softly, gently over my heart, and I knew all was well.

"Cause you prayed all night

Cause you held on with all of your might

Child, your cries have awoken the Master.

Oh, He knows your voice

Lift your hands, it's time to rejoice

Child, your cries have awoken the Master."

As promised, my confirmation came, and I knew. I can honestly say that I've never been so sure of anything in my life.

I'll never forget the first time Ethan told me he loved me. His eyes caught mine, and everything went still. Being speechless never used to be a problem for me, but in that moment I was afraid to say anything for fear it would shatter this perfect longed-for moment. I know God must have smiled.

"Anna, I truly feel I've fallen in love with you." And all I could do was stare at him and grin that wide, stupid smile, and mumble something about how much I loved him, too.

Then, there came one fateful night. We were talking pretty seriously about spending the rest of our lives together, and thinking about different possibilities. We chose a date; August 8th. (Exactly seven months - to the day - from when he first called me.)
No, we weren't engaged. But we knew this was what God wanted for both of us, and that we couldn't live without each other. When you have Christ, you have everything. And with God for us, what could stand against us? Walking in His perfect will leaves you in the center of calm, because you know He will see you through.

Obviously, I was expecting him to ask me the next time he came to visit. BUT, I didn't know when that was going to be - that is, until he walked into my living room while I was playing the piano one afternoon, smiling his mischievous little smile.

The next day he wanted to see Hayman Falls (which happens to be my favorite place on earth), so we decided to drive out there and take a look at the water. I got us lost on the way there (yes, local girls...I know that's pathetic...but anyways) because I asked him to turn around when we were actually going the right way. But, hey! we got there.

We walked down the trail by the river and sat down on a moss-covered rock.

The trees loomed above us and the water ran fast, filling the woods with the indescribable peace of nature. I breathed deep, taking it all in.

"Anna? Do you still love me?"

Of course I did.

He just looked into my eyes for a second, as if trying hard to read something from them.

"Well, then...I guess I have something to ask you."

And he was pulling something out of his pocket.

I felt my eyes go wide. "Ethan, are you SERIOUS?!"

And he was holding the most gorgeous ring I had ever seen, asking me to marry him.

My hand went over my mouth (seeing as I was so shocked that all my dreams were coming true), and I just nodded my head.

He slipped it on my finger, while I still stared in disbelief.

"Oh my word... Ethan...

We're getting married!"

He grinned, and laughed his, "well, um, yeah" kinda laugh, and I looked up at the sky in perfect wonder.

God had heard every one of those wistful, wondering prayers about "Lord, I have no idea where my husband is, but I know you've called me to be a wife and mother. Please, God; give me faith to hold onto your promise even though I see nothing with these natural eyes." And He honored them, by giving me the most responsible, loving man there ever could have been. One who knows how to make me smile, can tell when something is bothering me (even if I don't tell him,) and actually loves me for me - the me that is full of mistakes and imperfections. He takes it all and calls me his girl, anyway.


And I can't understand why God would give me someone as perfect as Ethan to be mine forever. I feel so indescribably blessed, and incandescently happy.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart" - He doesn't disappoint.

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When God Writes Your Story

Retreat Lessons

Youth Camp is always incredible - especially when you come expecting God to move in a special way for YOU, personally. As usual, the Lord met with us and our faith was encouraged.

Sometimes, as the months pass and the "daily grind" takes it's toll, you forget what God spoke to you in those special moments or how He dealt with your heart. Thus, I'm just writing down a few of the things that spoke to me, or stood out in the services. Thought you might be blessed by it, too. :)

• "How do you know God loves you? Because He said He does." There are so many arguments about "If God were real...If God cared...If God was so loving...then, Why?!" The above statement is also the perfect answer for Satan's reasons why "You don't deserve God's love anymore." It's true, we don't. But Christ makes us worthy.


• I was reminded not to be so lackadaisical in my walk with the Lord. We're supposed to be watching the signs of the times and preparing ourselves - zealously waiting with great anticipation. Plan for a thousand years - but don't turn a blind eye to the hour we're living in!


• It was incredible to me how the ministers who were preaching not only spoke about some things that I had been asking God about, but they were using the exact phrases I had prayed in my quiet, "prayer closet" conversations with the Lord. Who says God isn't mindful?!


• "He heard you the first time." Sometimes we don't feel anything when we pray; no mighty rushing wind, no ray of light piercing through the darkness, no audible voice - And we feel deflated and worried, like something isn't right and God refuses to listen to us in our time of need. Have faith. If there's no besetting sin to hinder you and your heart is clear, don't think He isn't listening. He heard you the first time.


• I've always thought it was so sad to see all the girls these days who mope that "I'm never going to get married. Nobody likes me. Nobody could ever want me. There's no guys in my church. Here I am, just graduated high school, and nobody's interested." (Yeah...the syndrome of desperate 18 year olds). I've never quite gathered the courage to write a post about it, but I've always wished I could tell them: "Hey! We trust God for salvation, for a job, to keep our family members, to make a way for us, and is He not faithful?! There's no way He's incapable of bring the right one, at the right time."
  
  Yup, you guessed it - that was brought up in the sermons, too. (And I was equally encouraged.)


• Never, ever give up on the loved ones who have "gone out into the world."  All of our faith was raised a notch (and I'm pretty sure there wasn't a dry eye in the whole sanctuary) when Brother Jonathan got up and testified of how the Lord had brought Him back to the truth. One of Jonathan's friends (and I'm sure, his parents, youth group and church) had refused to give up on him and continually brought his name before the throne of grace. It took three years, but at Winter Youth Retreat 2014, God honored those prayers. If God could do it in his situation, I know God can do it in mine.
  
  
  Okay. Before I write a whole book, I had better cut it off. In summary, I was so blessed and encouraged at retreat this year. God's not dead - and He cares about young people and their questions. Never let Satan tell you that your too far gone, too small or too despicable for God. God loves you because He said He does, and there is no repentant heart that God won't cleanse and make whole again.
  
  God Bless.

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Retreat Lessons

What God Just Did for Me

My neck hurt so bad. Therefore my head ached, too...as well as my ears - and is it possible for teeth to hurt? Well, they all did. Really bad.

Every time I stood up my head swam. Mom thought I looked like I was going to faint and sent me to bed. After I got up (after almost two hours rest) the pain gradually worsened.

Finally it was time for bed. I lay on the top bunk and cried quietly - it was hard to breathe (I imagined it was just because I drank too much water and my lungs couldn't expand properly.) I had a rice-pack around my neck and a cold-pack held to my forehead.

In about fifteen minutes, my hot-pack got cold and I went downstairs, shivering.

Back to bed.

It hurt.

I couldn't sleep.

After laying in tense misery for another twenty minutes, I eased myself out of bed and went back downstairs to re-warm my hot pack in the microwave.

 I felt very much like a five-year-old; I wanted Mom. But what could she do? We'd already prayed about it...I would just be keeping her awake for no good reason. "Anna, you just need to grow up," I told myself, still shaking with cold and crying.

While I waited for the microwave to finish, I started to pray.

Then it dawned on me.

Pray.

That's Who I could talk to. What a perfect opportunity.

I prayed all the way up the stairs, I prayed myself into the bunk-bed. I told Him everything; what I was going through, how confused I was about the things I was going through, how I wanted to serve Him with everything that was in me. I asked Him what He wanted me to do for Him in life, asked Him about some questions I'd been seeking answers to. We talked about my friends, we talked about acquaintances, we talked about the church...and just about that time, I began to notice that my head didn't hurt.

I raised my hands and started praising. I knew He had to be there, in my bedroom, with me.

I ought to be in bed right now, and I'm going to be in a few minutes, but I just wanted to testify of the pain that's (at this moment) almost completely gone. Furthermore, I'm so happy about what God's getting ready to do for all the people that I prayed for - because He said "Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."

It's amazing that He cares for somebody like me - never let the devil tell you that God doesn't love you and that you're too imperfect for Him to bother with. It isn't true - because that's what Satan was telling me tonight, and God just showed him up.

I'm so excited for the answers to my questions that will be coming soon, and am very thankful for His strength in perfect weakness. I know  He's already got a plan for my good and that the situations I'm facing right now are already conquered in the name of Jesus Christ who bought my freedom with His own blood.


                                                                 Psalm 31: 19-24

¹⁹ Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!
²⁰ Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues.
²¹ Blessed be the Lord: for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness in a strong city.
²² For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee.
²³ O love the Lord, all ye his saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer.
²⁴ Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

(This whole chapter is inspiring - if you have time, it would be great to read the whole thing!)

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What God Just Did for Me

Vibrant

 

I felt broken. What happened to the little-girl simplicity that I used to have? Everything is so mysterious and complicated at this point in life. People's feelings and thoughts mingle deeply, like tree roots, far beneath the ground. Decisions, pressures, character flaws, problems, changes, solutions...they all swirl like a silent pool of water - deep and unknown questions.

 

I lay my head on the pillow. I'd never understand it. I'd never be the girl I really wanted to be.

 

I looked at myself and I looked at who I was supposed to be - who I really desired to be - and saw so much lacking. Where I wanted confidence, I felt only fear. Where I wanted strength, I saw complete weakness. Where I wanted wisdom, I only remembered, with torment, all the things that I'd ever said that weren't right.

 

I hated me. For my weakness. For who I was. For my mistakes.

 

Something told me that it didn't have to be this way. Underlying, I knew people did love me, I knew God forgave me of all I ever did wrong, I knew He made me with this, creative, different personality for a reason; that it was a good reason - but I just couldn't forgive or accept myself with this  parade of flaws and mistakes constantly scrolling through my mind.

 

I wanted to be free. I knew God wanted His children to be at peace, to not worry, to trust and rejoice. He didn't give us the spirit of bondage, to fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

 

  I'd seen this crush others who couldn't accept who God made them. I'd seen how miserable they'd become. I'd seen how they were believing what wasn't true - feeling alone, in a world of people who cared about them.

 

I didn't want that.

 

When I prayed, I really didn't know if I could be free from these fears. It was part of my personality to think deeply, love deeply and hurt deeply. But a scripture came to mind "Nothing shall be impossible with God." Further than that, the Sunday service whispered hope to me, and, finally, in my morning devotions I read about how God doesn't want us to just wish for things, He wants us to stand on His promises and believe His Word.

 

Why am I sharing something so personal? Because I know that there are many of us who feel like we're different and unaccepted. Most people do, I've come to realize. We're shocked when we find out that someone actually cares about us. We're afraid that if people saw us make one, little mistake, they'd tear us to shreds. We're afraid we don't matter.

 

This writing isn't a complaint, but a testimony. I just wanted you to know, that you can be free, like I am, today.

 

"How?" you say, wondering if it's true. (If you're like I was, you've exhausted every mental exercise that ought to have made you know how loved and amazing you really are.)

 

I could continue this pattern and give you a few scripture verses, but what you really need is for the verses to come alive. You have to get desperate and start crying out to God.

 

 

 

"Ask and you shall receive." Sometimes it takes a while before the answer comes, but if you know nothing can hinder your prayer, just keep waiting on God and overcome the doubts "by the blood of the lamb and the word of your testimony." Praise God for your victory (that's on the way!) and keep hanging on no matter how long it takes.

 

It's His will for us to be happy. It's His will for us to be at peace. It's His will for us to be overcomers

 

 He paid the price for your freedom - you don't have to live in bondage. What are you waiting for?

 

I'm telling you - it's wonderful.

 

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Vibrant

Remembering We're Not Alone

Psalm 139

1 O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

² Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
³ Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
⁵ Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
⁷ Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
⁸ If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
¹⁰ Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
¹² Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
¹³ For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
¹⁵ My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
¹⁷ How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
¹⁹ Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
²⁰ For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
²¹ Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
²² I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
²⁴ And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Isn't it such a comfort, to know He understands?

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Remembering We're Not Alone

What They're Singing About

"Had a little talk with Jesus, and I told Him all about my troubles..."

"Rock of ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee..."

"Pass me not, Oh gentle Savior..."

"My faith looks up to thee..."

We sing them so often - at least I do. Sometimes it's absent-mindedly, while I'm busy with my work, sometimes I sing them as prayers. I've come to realize that it's only when we've actually "Had a little talk" with Jesus ourselves and completely emptied ourselves out before Him that we can know the true meaning of these songs.

Sometimes we get tired. Sometimes we fall flat in our relationship with God. Sometimes we don't have energy to go on doing what needs to be done. Sometimes we get prickly - away from our source of replenishing rain, like a cactus in the desert. Sometimes it feels like we can't give anymore. It's not fair. It's too hard - but there's no escaping these mountains.

That's when we need to stop - in the middle of our busyness, our "unforgivable weakness", the exhaustion of emptiness, all of our worries about "why it can't be" - and humble ourselves before God.

Be honest. He wants to know your cares. Tell Him everything - stay until all else fades away. "You'll begin to lift up. That'll make you what you should be." Let Him re-fill you with himself, let His peace settle your heart. Be still and know that He is God - the One who divided the red sea, the One who's always been watching you, the One who can heal, the One who conquered death, hell and the grave at Calvary - the One who knows your needs and loves to give His children good things.

You may not get an answer right away, but you can know that "He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." There's peace in knowing the answers are on the way. You can rise up with new strength, new joy, new peace and face the impossibilities that stand in your path. You can know that Someone much stronger than you is your source of strength, your hiding place, your keeper who always keeps His promises.

I know - He did that for me just today.

                   Trust Him.

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What They're Singing About

When He asks me...

My keys jingle in the stuffy, close van. The motor fades off. Doors roll open, fresh air pours in. The seats clear out, happy voices sigh with relief.

I grab my purse and the driver's door clunks open. My feet hit the pavement, my skin feels the cool.

Wisconsin.

When I left, I was discouraged with it. The place of lonely, cold, freezing, icy, frosty, bitter, arctic winters and loooong school days. The place where I waited for spring, summer, and finally youth camp in July when I could be with my friends.

Not this year.

I headed off for Camp with  a very defeated attitude. "Lord, I need help, again...please rescue your poor, bewildered child and help her to feel joyful...although I haven't a clue how you're going to do it..."

No, that's not how I prayed. No, that's not what I told anyone, but that is how I felt - if you want the stark reality of it.

It was all about me.

Too many times, I think we have our focus all wrong. "God, I need grace. "Jesus, I need peace." "Lord give me strength to overcome this dark trial." "Father, I need help with..." And those things are all well and good - furthermore, He wants to bless us, wants us to ask much - but we forget that the one who has given (and is giving) so much, isn't just a "please and thank you" collector.

He wants fellowship.

He wants us.

All of us.

When I caught that reminder, my mouth dropped open, a horror gripped me and my heart whispered "Oh God, I'm so sorry."

I was looking at my life through the wrong lens. I saw all the frustrating things that happened to me (why it wasn't fair that I didn't get any of the regal Native American skin tones or eye color that runs in the family, why I had to be the big-boned person, why I had to be the one who went to a small church with very few young people, why I was so imperfect, why I had to be the one who didn't have..."

But my life isn't mine. God has plans. God has reasons. He could have stuck me in a huge church with 500 seventeen-year-olds to hang out with every weekend, He could have made me short and dark and skinny as a stick, He could have made me to be good at math, He could have given me a writing style that wasn't so much like Anne-of-Green-Gables', He could have given me different character flaws to overcome, but He didn't.

In my darkest moments I wanted to howl "But, Lord, Whhhhhhhhhhy???"

Because He has a very particular work for me and He makes no mistakes.

I never really thought that God had me up here in Wisconsin for a reason (other than perfecting me through all the pain and woe). This is where He wants me to work for Him. This is what He's given me to overcome.  It's not so much a crucible, as it is a commission.

Can the One who endured endless temptations for me  ask me to give up the things that please me the most?

Can the One who was spit on, beaten and embarrassed for me ask me to let my friends go, one by one, and stand with Him, even when it feels "totally not cool"?

Can the One who sacrificed His own body's blood for me ask me to dress and act by His standards?

Can the One who was misunderstood, misrepresented, and alone in this World, (face it! There was nobody like Him down here) ask us to walk through friendless places and lonely times?

Can He ask you?

He was tempted in like manner as we are. He knows it's hard - but He also knows we can do it.


As a disclaimer I want to  say that my life here in Wisconsin isn't dull: I love the green, I love the cool, I love my family (they've become my best friends), I love our small church (everybody knows everybody), I love the school year, I love going hunting with my Dad in the fall, helping local farmers in the summer, swinging in the backyard  (when the schedule isn't busy), watching those around me grow in the Lord, and laughing/giggling/crying/learning together. I love my life. But, for too long I had focused on the few hard things - and they were hard - but God had given me so many good things, too.

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When He asks me...

Because We Are

 

Too many times we settle down and decide it's okay to be miserable. Really.

We think we don't have enough faith to be delivered from our troubles.

We think we're too insignificant to have the blessings of God - let alone the power that God promised.

We think we don't matter to anyone.

We're afraid to take what's ours.

Victory is ours, after all. We are the overcomers, aren't we?

"Yes," we say "Thank God, I'm an overcomer."

Then, why do we let Satan beat us down all the time? If all of heaven backs us up, why do we hesitate to take our freedom? Satan doesn't even have the key to our cell doors  - Jesus Christ took them away from him a long time ago. (Remember Calvary?) What are we waiting for?

Yet we walk around defeated.

Every devil is under our feet - even if you really  weren't an important part of the body of Christ - say, the bottom of the smallest toe on the whole entire foot, every devil is still under your feet. There's no reason for us to drown in depression and feel there's no hope for our situation. Stomp the devil back in his place. Defeat him with "It is written."

He knew who would follow him. Just look! Out of all the people who aren't serving God in the world, He chose you. Do you think He would have drawn you to him, bled for you, cried for you, endured the rejection for you, died in your place....if you didn't matter? Do you think the all-knowing God who made heavens and earth would have chosen you, just so you could fail?

No. God called us to be victorious. We're overcomers - not people who are "Barely hanging on".

Look what He's given! These are things we're promised in the scriptures:

We have a source of strength when our physical bodies don't have any left.

The coffers of heaven are open to us - God would bankrupt heaven before letting one of His promises fail.

He promised to hear us when we pray.

We can talk to the creator of peace when everything seems to be falling apart.

In God's presence we can be restored and find joy - when there's no hope. 

We don't ever walk by ourselves - the angels of God encamp around us.

Jesus said He'd always be with us.

He said we could ask for anything we wanted from him so our joy would be full.

He takes away fear.

 He makes rivers in the dessert.

He heals the sick and makes the lame walk, even today.

He brings happiness where there wasn't any before.

{By the way, I have so many testimonies that back up these words. I've experienced God's goodness for myself - so I'm sure you can taste of it for yourself.}

If you need encouragement right now, I suggest that  you read Romans 8 in your next devotional. Check out what God says about you! (Hint: It's awesome.)

Here's a little bit of the chapter - only a little of the encouragement it offers.

¹⁴ For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

¹⁵ For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

¹⁶ The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

¹⁷ And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

¹⁸ For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

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Because We Are