To the Bride

They printed my invitations pink and purple.

Two hundred and thirty dollars for pink and purple invitations.

Pink.

And.

Purple.

The weddingness of my week had not been going well at all. There was a conundrum with the dress, I had to order invitations three times, not to mention the issues with my veil, and some crazy-busy non-wedding-things that added to the pressure.

I needed to breathe.

But there really wasn't time for that.

After calling my sweet fiance and drowning him in my overwhelmed WHADAMIGONNADO moment, his solution was simple. "It's going to be okay, Anna. You get some sleep - but promise me you'll read a scripture before you go to bed."

I promised.

Paging through the new testament I found a chapter. Suddenly there it was, in all it's simplicity: Ask what you will.

"Wow. That's nice," I thought.

I flipped over to a different book. (Luke, I think). Again, it read; "Ask what you will."

And the light dawned. In essence, I was hearing straight from the Lord. "Anna, stop falling apart over things that I can handle. I care. Let me make your joy full again. Don't let this bring you down and steal the happiness I've given you."

Exactly right. Girls - being engaged is such an amazing thing; knowing you get to spend the rest of your life with your dream-come-true, hearing his voice on the phone every night, making plans together and, really, just loving - is what this stage is all about. Don't let the wedding, ((in all it's fairy-tale glory,)) mess that up.

I finally came to that realization after a week of over-thinking everything. Sunday service brought me back to the real focus of it all. Namely: God and God's plans for me; what God calls important.

Think about it. What does His plan entail for you? You and your man enjoying every minute of being engaged, or you being an exhausted mess because the seamstress hemmed your dress crooked?

We say: "Yes...but..."

Ask what you will.

"But, Lord, they said..."

Ask what you will.

"BUT THIS IS A BIG DEAL!!"

Ask what you will.

When you know you're in God's vindicated path for your life, no matter what obstacle (be it an awful printing job, discouraging remarks, whatever) you can go forward, pray, and laugh it off. As God once told Abraham, face to face; "Is anything too hard for the Lord to do?"

Nope.

So do yourself a favor and go with the flow. Focus on your man and your marriage.
Relax.
Do your best.
Let God work His wonders.

Don't let yourself stress. Skip all that drama and keep the added pressure off of your fiance and your family. (Remember going nuts doesn't affect just you.)

Make it a point to enjoy every single minute of this weddingishness - it only happens once!

John 16:24

Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

(33) These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

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To the Bride

Nope.

"Anna...I need a back rub."
"Anna...can you scratch my back, just little bit?"
"Anna, can you make me a vanilla latte...pweeeeeeze?"
"Anna, could you please fix my hair?"
"Hey, Anna! You should come sledding with us!"

Typical "big sister" questions. Unfortunately, they usually generate "big sister" answers.

"Is it sore? You don't need one if your back doesn't hurt. I don't ask for backrubs unless mine hurts. Not right now."

"Vanilla Latte? Well, I'm kinda busy this morning, and - oh, look! The coffee pot is empty. I don't think that will work out."

 "Becca....  <sigh> ...um...okay, but just a second."

"Sledding?! It's too cold. I'm too tired. I just came home from work, and...don't you guys just want to sit on the couch for, uuuuuh, a few minutes?

Sad, but true. And no matter how nicely you try to word things, the cold, bold, old message is still there.

                                   NO.

But if we big sisters {or even, the little sisters} would think back to the last time we said "no," would we find that we were truly: completely too exhausted, excruciatingly busy, or totally out of time? Most likely, not. There's a big difference between 'tired' and 'too tired'. Most of the time, we're just 'tired." There are a few occasions when we're actually up to our ears with things-to-be-done in the day - but not so many that we can't have time to read a story, make a quick cup of hot chocolate or give a little hug. Seems to me, that the last three things would have more eternal value than "GUESS WHAT! I FINISHED MY CHORE LIST AT 6:45 THIS MORNING!" (Which never happens, btw.)

Next time you want to say "NO!" think a minute. Would it really kill you to go sledding for 45 minutes? Not really.

I tried it last night. It was fun - the howling, screeching, flying, kind of fun. In spite of being ground up, squashed, smacked in the throat by somebody's headlamp (yes, it was still on somebody's head) and nearly pulverized underneath a pile of, like, nearly all of us... it was incredible and memorable and completely worth it.

To what have you been saying no?

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Nope.

You never know how far a latte can go... {Random post on my morning.}

He was singing in the lusty, loud way that only a 12 year old boy can. "Hoooooowwwww aaaaaaaaaare yyoooooooouuu...."

We were making breakfast. He, in charge of the eggs, me warming up a "milk steamer" - because I didn't feel like coffee. This boy is downright rambunctious in the morning: excruciating bear hugs, or old fashioned sweep-you-off-your-feet scenarios are typical. This morning it had been the latter.

"You wanted the white slimy, right?" He glanced over at me, with his mouth nearly twitching. This young man couldn't tell an untruth if he wanted to.

"You know better, Ike." My voice was still scratchy from waking up half an hour ago.

I continued whisking my milk into a foam while he cracked the eggs into his skillet. "Woops! Somebody's going to have a shell in theirs..."

"You should probably just pick it out real quick."

"Oh."

I love these kinds of mornings, with this kind of company. Twinkling black eyes, the vibe of constant energy, somebody who's at ease: singing, teasing, chatting, grinning. And it's "built-in" company, too. I love my brother.

Five minutes more had me finished with my steamer, and also the two "vanilla lattes" the two youngest had been begging me for. I gently poured my drink into two coffee cups.

By this time, he had finished making breakfast and was slouched into the comfort of our big, easy chair, reading his Bible.

"Here's your latte, Ike."

He looked up, surprised. Had he forgotten that he'd asked me for it?

 His eyes changed from the serious look of concentration to a completely radiant one; his whole face lit up in one of the most beautiful smiles I'd ever seen."Oh thank you, Anna..."

In any case, it made my whole day.

Mental note: If you ever get a chance to do something nice for a sibling again, snatch it! Sometimes you just don't know what it will mean to the person receiving it.

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You never know how far a latte can go... {Random post on my morning.}

Trusting

Call it "part of growing up", if you will, but I've noticed that, the older I get, the bigger life's 

mysteries and questions become.

Peering off into the distance, straining my eyes for a glimpse of "What's next", I do a lot of wondering - hoping, too. Ideas and plans swirl in the mist. Some are weak and gray - those dissipate in the quiet breeze, but others rise and swell, strong and stronger; plans, ideas, dreams...

Shifting to get a better view, I feel something still and solid; firm beneath me. Slowly, I stretch my hand over the smooth weather-beaten rock. I've come to trust it; this sure foundation to build on. This is my hope. This is my anchor.

Sometimes we underestimate the reality of God - His ability to direct our paths and steady our footing. I look up at the sky, the stars coming out, one by one, the mist growing darker; the moon waxing bright. He sees them, up there. Knows them by name.

My gaze falls to the tree branch overhead. Yes, He made this too. And, closing my eyes, I know He sees me. 

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Trusting

The Wheel of Motherhood

Happy Mother's Day! I stole this post from my Mom's facebook page - she did an awesome job writing it, and I think this is a good perspective on things. I think many Mom's will find it encouraging.  Enjoy :) 

Being a mother is an experience that has caused me to become very dependent on the God whom I serve. It is indeed a great honor and privilege that carries grave consequences and unbounded blessings
. 
When I became a mother, nearly eighteen years ago, I, in youthful ignorance, thought I had all the answers. God began to use a “tool” called Anna to shape my character, little by little. You see, He knew I needed a big dose of humility. By the time she was two, I realized I didn’t have ANY answers and that I needed help, Supernatural help, if I was going to raise this child properly.

Then God added another instrument to His character-shaping arsenal, named Kara. Knowing I had several rough edges that needed to be filed smooth, He blessed us with a daughter who is a “chip off the old block”. Rarely does one get the privilege of viewing one’s strengths and weaknesses in the raw clarity of childhood. I was granted this opportunity and boy, was it ever a revelation to see my own character mirrored in five-year-old fashion. Using my words to encourage and build others up, considering other people, and learning to give up control were all new territories for this mom.

One simply cannot be the mother of a boy without learning to be spontaneous, fun-loving and light-hearted…attributes that I had not previously possessed. Isaac was the instrument of choice this time. Perseverance, patience and empathy were to be added to the building. It’s amazing how deeply a mother can love.

The fourth tool began shaping me before she even arrived. God was in control of whether I lived or died. Could I trust that God loved me and knew what was best for my husband, myself and my children? Could I trust my children’s futures into His care? Meekness was added ever so slowly. Being a Type A, strong-willed, in control person the lessons were difficult and needed to be repeated again and again. But slowly, ever so slowly a little more “self” was crucified and ground was gained.

Eighteen years…and guess what? I’m still not the “perfect mother”. Just yesterday God showed me another area that needs a bit of sanding (make that a year’s worth of non-stop vigilance). Thankfully, I’m not the same girl I was eighteen years ago, but I’m not half the woman my Mama is either. I am so grateful that God has placed me on His wheel, the wheel of motherhood, and saw fit to use my children, to change me into more of His image.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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The Wheel of Motherhood

Least of These

Sorry, Mom. I couldn't resist ;)

It's Mom's birthday today. Forty awesome years. She's told us lots of stories about her growing-up years, her early married years...and then it mostly fades into testimony (after testimony, after testimony) of the amazing things God has done for her. There've been times when things went "wrong", so to speak, but she rested in knowing that "All things" were for her good. (And indeed, all the stories prove it.) She has always had an incredible way of choosing to look at the good things in her life instead of dwelling on her woes. I think this attitude plays deeply into what she is to me - that is, a Mom.

  One day, while I was working around the house, I stopped for a second with a realization. As I listened, over the space of about ten minutes, "Mom" was the most popular word. Shouted down the stairway, said softly in the living room, crowed around the corner...and I thought, does she ever wish she had a break?

But no, she doesn't.

I've seen a lot of mothers who absolutely can't wait to get away from the plaintive calls. Some roll their eyes when a child asks for help. Some complain. Some sigh and make a big show of how inconvenient it is to have to do anything for their child. But Mom looks at it from a completely different perspective.

To her it's a privilege - an honor given to her by God. To her, it's not a matter of "How much work can I avoid" - but "How much of Christ's love can I show? What more can I do to see this child be the best he or she can be?"

How do I know that's her attitude? Because I've watched her actions. If she only said "I love you," every once and a while, I don't think that would have cemented it for me. No, it was her actions; how she talked about us, how she treated us and the level of respect she gave to each of us on an every day basis.

For as long as I can remember, Mom has always treated my concerns as true concerns - from three to seventeen. So many times she's stopped to explain things to me and answer my questions. She let me sleep in her bed when I would sneak there in the middle of the night (although, I found out later, I wasn't as sneaky as I thought. She just, mercifully, let me stay. :) When I was rude and hopeless,  she replied with wisdom and kindness. Her prayers always interested me, because I knew that my name would usually turn up in the middle of them. "Dear Lord, please help Anna to..." and I would be encouraged.

I know there must have been times when she felt like giving up, though. Days when "Mama" - every three minutes seemed to grate her nerves. When interruptions (during school, through nap time, in church, while she worked) tempted her to give a frustrated reply. When the incessant work we presented received little thanks or appreciation when she'd helped us. But there's a verse that's always stuck with me - and I think it describes Moms dedication really well.

^{Matthew 25: 37} Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
³⁸ When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
³⁹ Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
⁴⁰ And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

More than any thanks I can give her today, is the reward I know God has stored up for her because she did it "unto the least of these."

Love you, Mom.

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Least of These

A Message For You...

A cheerful person is a light shining in a dark world. Every day he tells the world, "Good is coming if you will receive it!" He spreads light by speaking truth to those hearing lies. He has hope because he believes the Bible when it says that "All things work together for good to those who love God." He has courage to live because he knows that his God is in control of his future. He has every reason to rejoice and no reason to despair.
 

You can be that person.
 

Get to know the truth. Refuse to let yourself become discouraged. Let God's cheerful Spirit rule your heart. Life is full of hope. If you find yourself sliding into discouragement or into a sour attitude, know for sure that you are listening to some form of a lie. Go back to the truth and believe it.

If you will let cheerfulness dwell in your heart, you will brighten the lives of many fearful and hurting people."

"For the joy of the Lord is your strength" - Nehemiah 8:10

                                        
Written By Bob Shultz

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A Message For You...

Thanks for Now

As Christians, we always try to meditate on the coming of Christ a this time of the year. His birthday was actually in spring, we know, but with the reminders all around us, we like to take time and let the reality sink in.

So we think about the starry sky above Bethlehem, the quiet, unassuming stable, the shepherds, the angels, and we give thanks. But there's another part of this story that we forget about sometimes; the "today" part of Christmas is something to be thankful for, too.

It's all connected, really. Without his birth, there would have been no Bible to show us how to overcome. There would have been no crucifixion. There would have been no Easter morning.

 Years later, that night in Bethlehem is still affecting us; because the God who was born in the stable is the same One who lives in our hearts and blesses our lives with His presence.

I think that, too often, we overlook all the things that He does for us now. We pray when we're troubled. We pray when we need healing. We ask for His grace every day - but do we stop and thank Him? Do we ever ask God to show us how we could be used for His glory? What we could give?

Lately I've been journaling about everything that I'm thankful for. It's amazing what a beautiful life I have - even on the hardest days - because when I sit down at night and write out the little things (sometimes big things) that I appreciated or enjoyed through the day, the list never fails to be less than (at least) 10 items long. (Usually, I could go on, but I get tired of writing.)

I'm going to try and keep doing this every day for all of 2014.

So, I'm curious, what are three of the best things that happened to you in 2013?

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Thanks for Now

Con-sister-ing

"Hold still."

I grimaced, looking at my outfit in the mirror, while she yanked my scarf into a cute little knot.

"Kara, you're hurting me."

We were drinking lattes and getting ready for church in my bedroom.

"This jacket makes me look like Superman," I groaned.

"Nope. That other one you had on looked more like Superman."

My suitcase lay on the floor, all ready for the early flight tomorrow. Unfortunately, I had packed away most of my favorite accessories and was left with a few unusual substitutes on this particular Wednesday night.

Kara happens to be an outfit sleuth and was directing her attention to my evening wardrobe. Meanwhile, Becca twirled around the room singing the only three lines of "Matchmaker" that she knew from Fiddler On The Roof.

Funny. We don't even like that movie.

This is what being sisters is all about - the goofy behind-the-scenes moments. The thoughtful, helpful nature that takes time to "give a hand." The candid laughter. The pathetic, stark,  honesty that they share so plainly.

For example: Becca decided to liken each member of the family to an Adventures In Odyssey character this afternoon. (If you don't know what that is, you're missing out.)  I could hardly believe my ears - Penny Wise? Really?

She didn't mean it badly - Penny was "Awesome" in ideology. "She's so funny! And she gets into mysteries...and stuff like that..."

But that's another great thing about sisterness - forgiving. *wink

I don't know how three girls who are so different can be so close. It's amazing.

I'm just glad it'll be too early for them to come to the airport tomorrow. Knowing me and my tendency toward sentimentality, I'd probably cry before Dad and I managed to get through security.

{It's awful; but I hate goodbyes. Airports only seem to make things worse, for some reason.}

You know, a lot of people think sisters are annoying. Every great once-in-a-while they'll admit to loving them; or, at least, liking them a little. But I think we should take advantage of our years together and MAKE SURE they know how special they are to us. Not in a syrupy-sweet kind of way, but when you have an opportunity to do something for them or tell someone how nice they are, it certainly wouldn't hurt matters.

What's something you love about your sister or brother?

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Con-sister-ing

Once More

 

 

 I wanted to go, but it was completely unlikely that I could, so I didn't bother with "Do you think I could come, too?" That would be ridiculous.

While I thought about how unthinkable it was, I slowly remembered how God had supplied for me this very summer; things that I didn't "need", just wanted.

I had looked for a job, prayed for one, searched the newspaper for openings...and it wasn't that the employers didn't want to hire me, but a clear obstacle kept me from the opening and I knew it simply wasn't God's will.

 So I waited; but I had no money and lots of things I wanted to do. There wasn't anything to be done except to pray; and as I prayed, I watched as, before my amazed eyes, God brought situations and opportunities into my path in perfect time.

Sometimes it had felt frivolous to ask for these things; they were big and exciting...but  altogether unnecessary.

The jobs were temporary (I was making bee-hives; awesome, right?) and future provision wavered like a mirage in the desert. But as time went on, I found God supplying everything for me -  from one need to the next -  and I began to realize that I  do serve the One who says "The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the Lord of hosts."

As I stood in awe of the perfect way He supplied every single time, I realized that I could trust Him for everything - even the "small", "unimportant" stuff.


I thought about the beautiful banquet dress that came out of nowhere when modest dresses were hard to find (and incredibly expensive, most of the time!). I remembered the trip to PA that God had granted when I had no way to get there. I remembered how He supplied funds for a trip to Winter Youth Retreat when I had no money and no way of getting any. All are answered prayers. All are treasured gifts. All are miraculous to me.


So I prayed, quietly. "If it's your will," and  remained neutral. Whatever  He decided would be fine.

I forgot about it.

A few days later there was a mischievous smile on my younger sisters face. "I know something you don't know."

I begged and pleaded but she wouldn't tell me.

Mystery ended with Dad reading aloud from the computer screen, confirming "two tickets" for Arizona on the 21st of November.

I was floored.

A trip with Dad, all by myself! And I would get to fly for the first time since I was three, to the Native American meeting. How sweet of him! God's so awesome.

My brain leaped to what outfits to take with me; and immediately began wondering if it would be possible to stuff them all into a single bag. What about going through security? Would they let me wear bobbypins? What would I do without my  bobbypins? Would they, at least, let me take some in my suitcase?

 

 I walked to the mirror and paused. With a smile nearly splitting my face, I said slowly, "YOU are going to Arizona." And with that, reality struck and excitement swelled, good and warm.

 

Now, as I add this item to the list of  God's realities in my life, I feel so blessed to have a Dad who would  spend the time and money on me like this, and I'm thankful for the unselfish mother who suggested Dad let me go in her place because, in her words, (when I asked her why,) "You needed it more than I did."

 

More than this, I'm grateful to have a Heavenly Father who would surround His children with this happiness, this joy, this blessing. One who cares to be real in His servant's life.

 

Let Him be real in yours!

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Once More

What God Just Did for Me

My neck hurt so bad. Therefore my head ached, too...as well as my ears - and is it possible for teeth to hurt? Well, they all did. Really bad.

Every time I stood up my head swam. Mom thought I looked like I was going to faint and sent me to bed. After I got up (after almost two hours rest) the pain gradually worsened.

Finally it was time for bed. I lay on the top bunk and cried quietly - it was hard to breathe (I imagined it was just because I drank too much water and my lungs couldn't expand properly.) I had a rice-pack around my neck and a cold-pack held to my forehead.

In about fifteen minutes, my hot-pack got cold and I went downstairs, shivering.

Back to bed.

It hurt.

I couldn't sleep.

After laying in tense misery for another twenty minutes, I eased myself out of bed and went back downstairs to re-warm my hot pack in the microwave.

 I felt very much like a five-year-old; I wanted Mom. But what could she do? We'd already prayed about it...I would just be keeping her awake for no good reason. "Anna, you just need to grow up," I told myself, still shaking with cold and crying.

While I waited for the microwave to finish, I started to pray.

Then it dawned on me.

Pray.

That's Who I could talk to. What a perfect opportunity.

I prayed all the way up the stairs, I prayed myself into the bunk-bed. I told Him everything; what I was going through, how confused I was about the things I was going through, how I wanted to serve Him with everything that was in me. I asked Him what He wanted me to do for Him in life, asked Him about some questions I'd been seeking answers to. We talked about my friends, we talked about acquaintances, we talked about the church...and just about that time, I began to notice that my head didn't hurt.

I raised my hands and started praising. I knew He had to be there, in my bedroom, with me.

I ought to be in bed right now, and I'm going to be in a few minutes, but I just wanted to testify of the pain that's (at this moment) almost completely gone. Furthermore, I'm so happy about what God's getting ready to do for all the people that I prayed for - because He said "Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."

It's amazing that He cares for somebody like me - never let the devil tell you that God doesn't love you and that you're too imperfect for Him to bother with. It isn't true - because that's what Satan was telling me tonight, and God just showed him up.

I'm so excited for the answers to my questions that will be coming soon, and am very thankful for His strength in perfect weakness. I know  He's already got a plan for my good and that the situations I'm facing right now are already conquered in the name of Jesus Christ who bought my freedom with His own blood.


                                                                 Psalm 31: 19-24

¹⁹ Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!
²⁰ Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues.
²¹ Blessed be the Lord: for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness in a strong city.
²² For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee.
²³ O love the Lord, all ye his saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer.
²⁴ Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

(This whole chapter is inspiring - if you have time, it would be great to read the whole thing!)

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What God Just Did for Me

The Good, The Bad and The Awesome. {The End}

  

The good: Kind compliments on my cookery and glowing reports from my mother to her friends.

Believe it or not, I didn't do it.

The bad: Accidentally serving "Rhubarb and little smokies" for lunch one afternoon and not buying enough food on my last grocery-run. (Too much company, too many snacks and too many deviations from my menu. *hrumph.*)


My favorites: The fun of sweeping floors and the time-for-thought that comes with folding three loads of laundry every day. (Sometimes four...sometimes one, you never know...)

What I dread: Getting up at a set time every morning and wondering whether or not everybody's going to like what I chose to make for dinner. (Meals are important - the prospect of "Pizza Night" can keep me happy when hours are dull - the knowledge that "Split Pea Soup" is waiting for me at the end of the day...is VERY depressing.)

Awesome: That feeling you get when you realize that you've conquered the laundry for today :)

Awful: When you remember that you forgot to pull the chicken out of the freezer...and know there's no possible way it'll thaw in time.

Terrific: Being confident that you are (after all the wondering) capable of keeping a house running smoothly after THREE MONTHS of testing it out.

Overall, nobody died and my courteous family was very good about encouraging compliments. I'm very thankful (very, very thankful) that Mom and Dad saw fit to let me gather confidence and hone these skills.

For now, there are exactly seven days until I hang up my apron and pursue another daunting task; Mom wants me to work on sewing. (Sewing? No, no, no, no....oh, please, ANYTHING but that...) It's very much like math for me. ;)

Other than that, there's a few school subjects left to do - a little math, a little science and some Spanish...but then I'll be done. Forever, and ever, and ever.

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The Good, The Bad and The Awesome. {The End}

Vibrant

 

I felt broken. What happened to the little-girl simplicity that I used to have? Everything is so mysterious and complicated at this point in life. People's feelings and thoughts mingle deeply, like tree roots, far beneath the ground. Decisions, pressures, character flaws, problems, changes, solutions...they all swirl like a silent pool of water - deep and unknown questions.

 

I lay my head on the pillow. I'd never understand it. I'd never be the girl I really wanted to be.

 

I looked at myself and I looked at who I was supposed to be - who I really desired to be - and saw so much lacking. Where I wanted confidence, I felt only fear. Where I wanted strength, I saw complete weakness. Where I wanted wisdom, I only remembered, with torment, all the things that I'd ever said that weren't right.

 

I hated me. For my weakness. For who I was. For my mistakes.

 

Something told me that it didn't have to be this way. Underlying, I knew people did love me, I knew God forgave me of all I ever did wrong, I knew He made me with this, creative, different personality for a reason; that it was a good reason - but I just couldn't forgive or accept myself with this  parade of flaws and mistakes constantly scrolling through my mind.

 

I wanted to be free. I knew God wanted His children to be at peace, to not worry, to trust and rejoice. He didn't give us the spirit of bondage, to fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

 

  I'd seen this crush others who couldn't accept who God made them. I'd seen how miserable they'd become. I'd seen how they were believing what wasn't true - feeling alone, in a world of people who cared about them.

 

I didn't want that.

 

When I prayed, I really didn't know if I could be free from these fears. It was part of my personality to think deeply, love deeply and hurt deeply. But a scripture came to mind "Nothing shall be impossible with God." Further than that, the Sunday service whispered hope to me, and, finally, in my morning devotions I read about how God doesn't want us to just wish for things, He wants us to stand on His promises and believe His Word.

 

Why am I sharing something so personal? Because I know that there are many of us who feel like we're different and unaccepted. Most people do, I've come to realize. We're shocked when we find out that someone actually cares about us. We're afraid that if people saw us make one, little mistake, they'd tear us to shreds. We're afraid we don't matter.

 

This writing isn't a complaint, but a testimony. I just wanted you to know, that you can be free, like I am, today.

 

"How?" you say, wondering if it's true. (If you're like I was, you've exhausted every mental exercise that ought to have made you know how loved and amazing you really are.)

 

I could continue this pattern and give you a few scripture verses, but what you really need is for the verses to come alive. You have to get desperate and start crying out to God.

 

 

 

"Ask and you shall receive." Sometimes it takes a while before the answer comes, but if you know nothing can hinder your prayer, just keep waiting on God and overcome the doubts "by the blood of the lamb and the word of your testimony." Praise God for your victory (that's on the way!) and keep hanging on no matter how long it takes.

 

It's His will for us to be happy. It's His will for us to be at peace. It's His will for us to be overcomers

 

 He paid the price for your freedom - you don't have to live in bondage. What are you waiting for?

 

I'm telling you - it's wonderful.

 

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Vibrant

Remembering We're Not Alone

Psalm 139

1 O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

² Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
³ Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
⁵ Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
⁷ Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
⁸ If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
¹⁰ Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
¹² Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
¹³ For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
¹⁵ My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
¹⁷ How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
¹⁹ Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
²⁰ For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
²¹ Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
²² I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
²⁴ And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Isn't it such a comfort, to know He understands?

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Remembering We're Not Alone

The Truth

 

There are so many awesome things about this "stay-at-home" lifestyle. I know some people think it's boring and that you can't possibly be fulfilled or happy this way, but I disagree.

Having taken over the household responsibilities for a while, I think I can better understand a normal stay-at-home mom's point of view::

Don't you wish you were a little more *cough* socialized?

 We have (around) forty people that come to church in the living room on Sundays - not to mention Wednesday nights. There's a ga-zillion friends that I share letters, emails, texts, phone-calls, video-calls and normal visits with. (I just came home from a sleep-over, actually.)On top of that, somebody is always coming over for supper.

What do you do, stuck at home all day?

Well, for myself,  there's much preparation for the aforementioned company, on top of which sits the normal laundry, three-meal-a-day cooking (very rewarding, btw), teaching school (I'm a 6th-grade math tutor for my awesome little brother), a blog that I try to keep up with, numerous sewing projects, crochet projects, garden work, canning and half a million projects for my graduation next spring (!!!). Throughout the day I also goof off with my brother and sisters...and Dad and Mom (*grin*). Most nights, I tell stories and/or sing songs before bed for my smallest sister, play piano for church on Sundays, try to keep my assigned parts of the house picked up, sing with my Mom and sister for church, and keep up with the emails and letter writing.

I could go on, but I've grown tired of the subject ;)

But aren't you wasting your talents?

Last time I checked, *peeks into her work-to-be-done folder* I was using every last one of them. (Writing skills, *check* musical talents,*check*, acting/animation, *check* entertaining, *check*, cooking, *check* sewing, *check* teaching, *check* ....need I go on?

Sometimes it's easy to feel  pressured by everyone else's thinking and standards. If you're not careful, you can start to feel like you really don't do or amount to much - but I encourage you to look up!

 "Let the mind that was in Christ Jesus be in you" - you're not from this world, so why bother with fitting in? You're called to be different, and if God asked you to stay home, don't accept the World's idea of what is "fulfilling" for a woman. Instead, know that everything God creates is "very good" - including this perfect job for you.

Let people say you're wasting your life. I don't care if you're the head of a famous company in New York City - there are always discouraging days when you feel like what you're doing doesn't make a difference and isn't important. There may be days when you feel bored and wonder if your talents could be put to better use somewhere else. Don't listen to the discouraging, chiding comments of others or the thoughts that Satan tries to discourage you with - if God asked you to do it, it is important.

"Little is much when God is in it
Learn to labor and to wait
There's a crown and you can win it
If you go in Jesus name."

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The Truth

Someday I'm going to grow up...

 

 

I sagged into my mothers embrace after stumbling up half the stairs, exhausted. "Here I go...into the lion's den," I mumbled, sadly.

She either didn't hear. or ignored me. I still felt bad for saying it.

The lions den - a relatively cozy place with comforting sheets, an airy bed-spread, comfy nightgowns and darkness a...nice...peaceful place to fall asleep.

Sometimes.

In the darkness every night, three of the big cats slink in.

One shakes its mane and yawns in my ear, "I can't sleeeeep...I'm not tired."

The other bounces up and down on the foot of my bed and grins like a big kitty about to eat an antelope. "I heard this great joke this afternoon..."

The third is small and often curls up under the cotton sheets beside me. "But Anna," she coaxes, with an irresistible shine in her eye, "you haven't told me a story in forever."

"Not tonight, okay?"

"Well, could you at least rub my back?"

I sigh, and try to stuff my selfishness back into wherever it came from. "Yes...I'll tell you a story...I suppose.

Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in the mud at the bottom of a pond. His name was Albert and he loved to eat flies, but one day...."

And an hour later, the cute felines head off to their own separate quarters.
***

"Why, that's terrible," you're thinking, "likening your siblings to troublesome lions."

Yup. I would have to agree with you. Therefore, I write the following;

It's sad, but I've noticed that most big sisters and brothers come to frown upon such precious disturbances{as described above} at some point in time -  no matter how much they love or appreciate their miniatures.

We try to avoid the troublesome questions; "Will you pleeeeeese read me a story?"in the afternoon, "Could ya rub my arm?" in the morning and "Sing to me?" at night.

We have the best of intentions, really, but it's just that we get annoyed. And selfish.

But something occurred to me a while back.

I'm 17 this year and a senior in high school. Next year I'll be 18 and a graduate. (Are you following, so far? Good.)

As a little girl, I imagined that 18 or 19 was as old as you could possibly get. After that, there was nothing but a vast expanse of unknown. You simply had to disappear into the vast cavern of adulthood, never to be thought of again...someplace faraway, with a possible husband and children...maybe...because you never knew what was past 18.

While I have matured (at least slightly ), in my imaginings, and do realize that life does go on past the teen years... that whole "going away" thing still lingers in my mind. I have no clue where I'm going to be in two years; here at home, Alaska, Texas, China, a tropical island somewhere...I'm still praying about what the Lord's will is for my life, but I know one thing; my family members are my five best friends, and I want it to stay that way.

We've grown to be very close (duh.) but when we all get older and move away - (off to college, or cooking school, or just the other side of town) I don't want the miles to separate our spirits, our love. I don't want contention and un-dealt-with problems to build walls between us. I want to make sure they know I love them, will be there for them, pray for them, do anything for them - even if that means singing to a little girl in the dark of  two-in-the-morning because she had a bad dream and didn't want to be alone.


Stop saying "No" so often and ask yourself "Will it really kill me to tell her a five-minute story before bed?" Think of a time - once a week, once a month, something - to genuinely let one your family members know how much you care. Take time to bond - let her sit on your lap, go ahead and play tag with him. Have fun together; build confidence.

"My family's strong. They know I love them...we all make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay..."

Yes, that is okay. But I've seen too many good families tear apart and quarrel like five-year-olds amongst themselves. It's pathetic, it's wounding, and it's horribly, horribly sad.

I don't want that - nobody does - and I think it's time to take advantage of the moments God has given us. Time to build up and bless the ones we're closest to (or, even,  that we are not closest to.)

Pray for unity, pray for wisdom, pray for self-control, pray over the differences that "drive you crazy" and let God do the work. We don't have to do it by ourselves.

And that crazy "bigger sister" would happen to me - and if you catch me before I have my hair fixed in the morning, you'll REALLY be terrified ;)

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Someday I'm going to grow up...

When He asks me...

My keys jingle in the stuffy, close van. The motor fades off. Doors roll open, fresh air pours in. The seats clear out, happy voices sigh with relief.

I grab my purse and the driver's door clunks open. My feet hit the pavement, my skin feels the cool.

Wisconsin.

When I left, I was discouraged with it. The place of lonely, cold, freezing, icy, frosty, bitter, arctic winters and loooong school days. The place where I waited for spring, summer, and finally youth camp in July when I could be with my friends.

Not this year.

I headed off for Camp with  a very defeated attitude. "Lord, I need help, again...please rescue your poor, bewildered child and help her to feel joyful...although I haven't a clue how you're going to do it..."

No, that's not how I prayed. No, that's not what I told anyone, but that is how I felt - if you want the stark reality of it.

It was all about me.

Too many times, I think we have our focus all wrong. "God, I need grace. "Jesus, I need peace." "Lord give me strength to overcome this dark trial." "Father, I need help with..." And those things are all well and good - furthermore, He wants to bless us, wants us to ask much - but we forget that the one who has given (and is giving) so much, isn't just a "please and thank you" collector.

He wants fellowship.

He wants us.

All of us.

When I caught that reminder, my mouth dropped open, a horror gripped me and my heart whispered "Oh God, I'm so sorry."

I was looking at my life through the wrong lens. I saw all the frustrating things that happened to me (why it wasn't fair that I didn't get any of the regal Native American skin tones or eye color that runs in the family, why I had to be the big-boned person, why I had to be the one who went to a small church with very few young people, why I was so imperfect, why I had to be the one who didn't have..."

But my life isn't mine. God has plans. God has reasons. He could have stuck me in a huge church with 500 seventeen-year-olds to hang out with every weekend, He could have made me short and dark and skinny as a stick, He could have made me to be good at math, He could have given me a writing style that wasn't so much like Anne-of-Green-Gables', He could have given me different character flaws to overcome, but He didn't.

In my darkest moments I wanted to howl "But, Lord, Whhhhhhhhhhy???"

Because He has a very particular work for me and He makes no mistakes.

I never really thought that God had me up here in Wisconsin for a reason (other than perfecting me through all the pain and woe). This is where He wants me to work for Him. This is what He's given me to overcome.  It's not so much a crucible, as it is a commission.

Can the One who endured endless temptations for me  ask me to give up the things that please me the most?

Can the One who was spit on, beaten and embarrassed for me ask me to let my friends go, one by one, and stand with Him, even when it feels "totally not cool"?

Can the One who sacrificed His own body's blood for me ask me to dress and act by His standards?

Can the One who was misunderstood, misrepresented, and alone in this World, (face it! There was nobody like Him down here) ask us to walk through friendless places and lonely times?

Can He ask you?

He was tempted in like manner as we are. He knows it's hard - but He also knows we can do it.


As a disclaimer I want to  say that my life here in Wisconsin isn't dull: I love the green, I love the cool, I love my family (they've become my best friends), I love our small church (everybody knows everybody), I love the school year, I love going hunting with my Dad in the fall, helping local farmers in the summer, swinging in the backyard  (when the schedule isn't busy), watching those around me grow in the Lord, and laughing/giggling/crying/learning together. I love my life. But, for too long I had focused on the few hard things - and they were hard - but God had given me so many good things, too.

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When He asks me...

When God is Quiet

I know you're faithful, Lord. I know you're real. I don't feel or hear or see anything, but I know You'll come through for me.

Sound familiar?

Yes. Trust is a hard lesson.

Before I found out, I assumed that when there were troubles in a Christian's life, She could just "overcome" in the snap of a finger. "God will get you through - keep smilin'!"

As time went on (and believe me, it wasn't for very long) I began to see something. Trials aren't easy - otherwise, they wouldn't mold your character much, would they?

Christian life is a rugged thing - not scattered with a couple easy hurtles, but filled with "toils and snares." Legitimate, huge, impossible ones.

 As the shadows began to stretch long and longer before me and God seemed nowhere to be found during my devotions,  I began to wonder - "Lord, is something wrong with me?"

And then the truth dawned. What about Job? Faithful and perfect when his whole, beautiful, prospering life crumbled into a million jagged pieces that grieved him day and night. God allowed Satan torment him - and, believe me, Job wasn't dancing for joy on that ash heap.

His kids were gone, his cattle were gone, his sheep were gone, his wife wanted him to curse God and die. His health was gone and his friends were sure that he had committed some secret sin. What's worse, when Job sought God - Job; who had been so faithful to the Lord - he couldn't find Him anywhere.

"Oh, that I had never been born" - Doesn't sound like he was terribly thrilled; but, turns out,  God remained silent because He loved Job and was proving how faithful he was.

God isn't cruel. God isn't unkind. God isn't mistaken. God doesn't lie. He doesn't ask you to carry more than you can take - which means He has confidence in you when the hardest thing you've ever faced is planted firmly in your path.

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth Him out of them all."

But, Lord, I can't feel you!

"I will not leave thee nor forsake thee."

But it's been so long!

"Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled."

But I've prayed so hard and You haven't answered me!

"I reward those who dilligently seek me."

How can I get through this?! I don't think I'll make it.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil..."

There's a verse for just about everything you have need of - if you're worried, if you need healing, if you  need forgiveness, if you're feeling alone, if you need clothes, if you're out of money, if it looks like God's never going to come through - Trust in the Lord. He has good things in mind.

I know, because yesterday the Lord encouraged me in my own waiting period in a very special way.
He doesn't lie. He loves to give you good things - maybe He just wants to test your faith in Him. Maybe He's reminding Satan that He does have faithful sons and daughters on the earth who won't back down.

                                                             Take courage.

^{Isaiah 40:31} But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

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When God is Quiet

Just be Quiet - A lesson from my Dad

Today it occurred to me that perhaps I was put in this family because God knew I needed a pastor for a father. *sigh*

I've watched Him through thick and thin; frustrating re-modeling projects, peaceful evenings, emergencies,  nerve-grating conversations, when he was sick, when he was exhausted, when he was laughing...and I've learned a few things.

My Dad has come to understand an important truth at some point; wait to speak until it's God's time.

So often I hear of fusses and stews in churches, in marriages, between brothers and sisters...and I feel bogged down with the frustration of it all. "So-and-so won't shake hands with so-and-so" anymore, and "Teresa" is the family favorite, or "Brother "Joe" won't have anything to do with Brother "Jack" - there's too much arguing and not enough love.

I've seen a whole different example in my Dad. I remember watching him talk with people who (I knew) didn't agree with him on many points. He didn't debate, he didn't shout, he didn't try to prove his point - he just sat there quietly. Furthermore, when it was time to go, he was friendly and kind. Everyone already knew what he believed, so why start a war?

Being a pastor, he catches a bit of flack from folks, sometimes. A couple years ago, I remember watching his face after someone called to tell him he hadn't handled a situation properly. I must admit, my blood boiled. "How could they have said such a thing to him?" But he didn't vent about "how awful those people were" or send a "piece of his mind" flying back into the receiver.  I knew it had to hurt, and he's not the kind of guy who doesn't talk to anyone about what goes on...but he took it serenely.

It never mattered what anyone said or what anyone did. He's always been patient and courteous, keeping his mouth shut until God prompts him to open it. Until then, he prays for God's solution.

I've admired him for waiting. Often, people think it's a sign of ignorance or weakness to not "stand up for your beliefs" when someone wants to argue with you. On the other hand, common sense shows us that nothing is ever solved in a debate. Feelings get hurt, rivers widen, walls are built higher - but when God comes on the scene, well, just look what happened to Saul on the road to Damascus!

In my opinion, Proverbs 16 handles the question quite well; ²⁰ He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he. ³² He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

Self control is something I admire so much. Dad is an example of it, for me, in so many ways. Besides being quiet and waiting for God to speak, he also gives everything he does his best effort - be it patiently coddling the grilled pork for twelve hours (so it will be perfect), or sweating his life away with perfect "form" for each exercise in his hour-and-a-half long work-out. (I've tried a few of his workout videos...and it's really hard not to fall down the steps after finishing as much of the "Plyometrics" DVD as I could handle. Your knees just kinda give way if you're not careful.)

This weekend, we're having special meetings with Brother Darrel Ward (June 15th on Saturday evening and 16th at 10:00 AM if you're interested!!) so we're having Father's Day today. 

Dad, I hope you know how much you mean to me, your family, and everyone who comes in contact with you. Your steadiness and quiet strength are a comfort to so many...and your mischievous tricks and witty comments light up my dullest days. ;)

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Just be Quiet - A lesson from my Dad

Anna's Nutty News: Rotten Attitudeitidus

 

What do you do with that person.

 

Her mannerisms declare the truth - this girl's the very meaning of the word "Grouch."

 

 From the looks of the circles under her eyes, the smell of her rotten attitude (that lingers when she leaves the room,) the snappy words that slip out when the least annoyance is presented...Phew! You think, I'm staying out of her way today!

 

But wait a second. Instead of just gulping down the hot retort your tongue was about to "let fly" and responding with grace, you have a chance to make a lasting impression on this person.

 

*Brace yourself*

 

Did you know that, normally, a grouchy person just needs help? Inside, they're aching for love -  someone to care. 

 

"Well," we think, "Its a bit ironic that she isn't sitting down to talk about it. Nope. Instead, her words sting with unkindness, her attitude is wrecking my day and...hey! She aint even interested in my help. What's girl to do, pray tell?"

 

I'll tell you.

 

Grammar Point: First off, don't say "aint." It isn't proper English.

 

 

 On my own darkest, most miserable days, (when I haven't taken time to have devotions, I'm super tired, or life looks unrealistically daunting)...

 

Yes, I'm grouchy. It's harder to keep myself in check today. I've probably felt like having myself a traditional "good cry" quite a few times. Most likely, I haven't been patient and the slightest noise has been irritating. I've allowed myself to be upset and frustrated (you have a choice, you know).

 

As unsociable and (synonymously) unfriendly as I appear to everyone around me, really, deep down, I'm aching for someone to sit me down and ask out of true concern; "I know you've been having a tough day today. Has something been bothering you?"

 

It would do more guilt-stabbing correction than any lecture about how you ought to "Trust God with the big things, or, "Talk kindly to your youngest sister," and especially, "Really, now. You ought to know better..."  ever could.

 

I know. I have a loving little brother who came up and wrapped his arms around my waist when I didn't feel the least bit lovable and said... "It'll be okay, Anna."

That did it.  I promptly asked forgiveness of the ones my impatience had stung that day.

 

I have a younger sister who saw I was having a hard day and willingly accompanied me on my "walk." She cranked up some cheerful music (on her phone,) and showed me how to jog. (There's an art, let me tell ya!) 

She didn't really say anything, but I knew she did it because she cared - and that meant the world to me.

 

I have a Mom who gave me a hug when I came in from (secretly) bawling my eyes out during  my evening walk. A simple "I love you," speaks volumes and leaves a resounding echo in the heart.

 

I could go on to include my Dad and smallest sister, too, but you probably have enough examples by now.

 

Handy Hint: I happen to know that there are people who prefer to be alone on bad days. In fact, they'd be quite annoyed if you started chattering about sunshine and brighter days at this point. You need to pray for these people. It works wonders - believe me! Drench all of your "tough characters" in prayer.

 

Do you see? Bad days are a chance to show the ones you care about how much you really love them. You never know how much they'll need it, how grateful they'll be, how they'll thank God for the love you've shown them.

 

Don't just work your way around them throughout the day - take time to touch their lives and strengthen your relationship with them.

 

 

 

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Anna's Nutty News: Rotten Attitudeitidus