Wednesday, June 24, 2020

DEAR MOMMA | WHO ARE YOU?

Everybody knows that mommys everywhere are susceptible to losing themselves in the lives of their children. Some argue it's good and "worthy", some bitterly gripe that their lives have been stolen.

As always, centerfield is a safe place to stand on opinion.

I remember when my first little girl was born. All the snuggles. All the bows. All the little ruffled jammies.

So sweet.

Oh, was it sweet!

But there was so little sleep. And there was so much bleary-eyed feeding. And so many diaper changes. And so very little time for myself that even a common shower felt like an act of reckless rebellion.

Had I lost myself? For a time, I suppose. But looking back I see that, really, I found myself in the care of my new baby girl: In the soft weight of her on my shoulder, and the tiny, sweet breath of hers on my neck, I found contentment. In her little snore, something in me was almost giddy with delight. Seeing her become more alert and independent brought a tinge of sadness that mixed with the joy of watching her grow.

We've all seen it in our Mother's eyes; the joy, the pride, the uncertainty, the happiness. Then we grow up and feel it all down to our very souls...and all those weird things that they said and did makes sense. The miracle of motherhood; passed down through generations.

Looking back on those precious "first" days of Haven's life, I remember feeling like I had lost my everything to become a 24 hour milk factory...but I also cried all the way to the grocery store and back the first time I left her with a sitter for an hour. (The sitter was her Grandmother. Who volunteered. No judging ya'll!)

Sometimes we find perspective in the void of loss, or change.

For me, lately, there's been a lot of both.

I know I've talked often about the heaviness of this current time in my life, and I don't want to stay over here on the ash heap and call a rain cloud over your day; but it's here, if we trade the ash heap for my living room couch,  that I really realized with my mind what my heart knew all along.

Purpose, is people. 

Our people. 

All people.

We Moms don't have to run after a career to become fulfilled and useful. I mean, let's face it: all of us know the story of some wealthy, lonely man or woman who spend the last days of their life alone in a nursing home.

We Moms don't have to be "the best" Mom to become fulfilled or useful. The floors will be smudged within ten minutes of mopping them; the stainless steel refrigerator will be printed by sticky fingers; the hair bow will be ripped out of the cute little hair-do on the way to church. Somebody will inevitably criticize you anyway.

We Moms don't have to meet a quota, or earn a raise, or be outrageously beautiful to be fulfilled or useful....because when we really stop for a minute and get quiet; get alone...we notice that the things that makes our hearts the happiest are the million big-little moments in the run of an ordinary day.

In stillness I've realized that for me, purpose comes from snuggling the four year old in my bed, even though it's a breach of Pritchard Household Policy. Fulfillment is the smile on my husband's face when I make him laugh at the dinner table. Happiness comes from making happiness for people. My people. All people.

Really, isn't that what God did for us? Gave up everything - all of heaven - to come down and wash the dirty feet of His disciples? He brought healing, and love to people at His own expense.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for His friends."

How can we do any less?

So friend, do chase after purpose - but let's start by looking in the right place. There is opportunity all around you. What ordinary things fulfill your heart? Do yourself a favor and write them down. Never forget how much Jesus valued the ordinary, or how much He values you.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

So very true....”Living for others, that’s what life’s all about”. It’s in pursuing the dream that happiness lies, not in the achievement. It’s learning to enjoy the journey, this moment, this day...not in the “when I get this, or reach that”. But in living this very moment to the fullest. Enjoying the journey.

Unknown said...

Beautiful ❤️