I've always been this way. Big ideas. Big dreams. Big (and specific) plans; and for as long as I can remember, I know God has been teaching me to enjoy the process of reaching my goals ... and, worse ... to enjoy the waiting.
I'm not good at waiting.
And I don't like the unexpected.
But this year, both of those things have been constant, aching, growing pains for me.
Waiting to be strong again.
Waiting to be healed, totally.
Waiting for peace.
Waiting for life to begin again.
But day after day...there is simple stillness...and the promise that God is working, even when I can't see it.
It's hard for my "big picture" self, to slow down this much.
Today I dare to ponder that all of us Moms can feel like this sometimes: Unless we are "going" and "doing" and working ourselves crazy on one project or another, we find ourselves feeling empty and purposeless.
I do.
Without diapers to change, sippy cups to re-fill, a thousand "hold me, mommy"s to satisfy, floors to vacuum, business checks to write... I'm so lost.
During this season of my life, I've caught myself cramming house projects into my days so that the "quietness" won't sneak up on me in a form of uselessness. I've come to see that in my own mind that if I'm not working, I'm not being productive. If I'm not being productive, I'm not being enough. If I'm not enough, then I am worthless - and with this realization, I had to stop myself, in the midst of my clawing and grasping for worth - to re-think the definition of myself, and the definition of Mommyness.
Motherhood is so many different things. It's being so busy homeschooling that your body craves a quiet moment. It's being so still with a newborn in your arms, that you wonder if you'll ever do anything else again. It's feeling so satisfied with your fresh, clean house and yummy, home-cooked meal, that you wonder how you deserve to be blessed with this beautiful life. It's being so exhausted, and overwhelmed that you wonder what in the world you're doing wrong.
Are any of these phases not a part of being a mom? I've only been doing this for four years, and already, I can relate with every single version in the above paragraph. Does any of these versions seem "Useless?" And even if they did, should we really let them define our worthiness or value?
Truth is: God has loved us with an everlasting love. He poured it out over us in the form of His blood - because we aren't worthy and we can't be enough.
That takes out all the fear and all the worry, right there.
Should we try hard? Yes. But in whatever stage we find ourselves in today, we can just lean back and know know that Jesus is enough. His grace sustains us through the hard times. His love fills us so that we can pour out to our children.
If we are fulfilling His call in our lives, and that call brings us to a place of quiet - let's rejoice in that! If He has called us to a busy season - we can rest in His strength for each new day. If He has called us to a season of waiting - we will pray, and trust that His plans are perfect.
There are so many voices that try to label and define us - but you and me, we don't need to add to that clamor. Let's rest in the goodness of our Heavenly Father, who created us, called us, and sustains us as Moms.
We are enough, because He is, and He called us here. Lean on Him, and you can't go wrong.
1 comment:
So very true! Such a great reminder.
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