You made my life come to life, sweet girls.
Mothers Day always brings back wistful remembrance of breakfast in my parents' dining room. All of us kids would sheepishly present our homemade cards and gifts, hating the bashfulness that always surprised us at the presentation.
I can feel the warm coffee cup in my hand, see the smiles, hear Mom pretending to be impressed by all the construction paper and sparkly glue...
This comfort. This sameness. The memory of this safe place. That's what I strive to create for my little girls.
For me, "Mom" was the person that I could run to at six, twenty-six and forever. Subconsciously I always knew that there was no boundary or limit on how much she would sacrifice to show up for me.
"Mom" is the person that made our house a refuge of comfort and warmth. She trained us kids to always "be there" for each other...no matter our differences or faults. In the face of struggle, we all joined hands and prayed; somebody made a dessert, somebody gave a hug - there was so much caring within those four walls, that I always loved to be there. It was safety. It was peace.
"Mom" is a concept of constancy, and we learned it from seeing her sacrifices day in and day out. She earned our trust.
On days like today, I sit back in a quiet moment and wonder where all that time went. I find myself a little tearful, missing those freezing cold mornings around the dining room table, with the comfort of togetherness radiating warmth. I miss complaining about whose turn it was to do laundry that week. I miss laughing over everything while cleaning up the kitchen after supper.
There were bad days, yes. The fourteen-year-old ones where my homeschool math lesson took three hours to figure out, and the eight year old ones when sibling rivalry felt impossible and cruel; the nineteen year old ones when the print shop messed up all my wedding invitations and the florist called to say that she couldn't find any peonies... - but guess who was there mopping up the mess and interceding in every case? You're right. Mom was.
During my pre-teenage years I remember coming to the horrible realization that Mom and Dad actually didn't and couldn't have the answer to every question that I would ever have. Things like "salvation" and "career choice" were things that I had to seek out from God on my own -- but that was another thing that they instilled in me; that God cares and that God will answer. By slowly (and even unconsciously) creating trust for them, they were also creating a trust for the God that they depended on.
I want to be that. I want to do that.
I daresay we all want to be that and do that.
Looking over what Mom accomplished in me, the goal looks glorious and holy, but for me, in present tense, it feels much less noble some days. Really, it just means solving the argument over "Who gets to hold the new strawberry chapstick first" while the other little girl gets her hair fixed. It means that we pray before bed every night and explain for the millionth time that the shadows on the wall will not hurt anybody. It means grabbing blankets and pillows and sitting down to watch veggie tales when they both just need mommy to hold them at the same time. It means wiping strawberry yogurt off of my laptop keyboard and not saying a word because I know it was an accident.
Being there for the skinned knees and the irrational fears...the tantrums...the hugs...the "I'm sorry"s...the laughing...the screaming...the embarrassing mommy moments... even just being the open arms at the end of the big, scary slide at the park; all that is building a subconscious "knowing" in the hearts of my children, and creating the refuge and relationship that I always want them to have with me -- and with God.
Let us ever forget that faith in God (and in relationships) is like a mustard seed. It starts small.
3 comments:
This is a beautiful post, you make me think so much the life I am leading now and the one I hope to someday, my Mum is amazing in every way, sometimes I think I will have accomplished my life goals if someday I can be a Mum half as good as she is. I would love to get married and have children of my own someday, still I can't help but wonder what it'll be like, when I'm not ''home'' anyway what will it be like when I have to create a home of my own.
-Rose
p.s. though the laundry thing isn't much of a problem in our house, I love doing laundry and actually a bit sad when I have to give up to someones else:)
LOL! Rose, you're my hero if you love laundry.
Enjoy every gorgeous second of being at home with you family! There is so much that a girl can do for the Kingdom just by being there for her family and friends, no matter where she is, or at what stage in life. If I could go back and tell my teenage self a thing or two, I would tell say to never despise how God is using you right in the "here" and "now", no matter how unimportant your role may feel or seem. God is a great strategist - and He never puts his soldiers somewhere without having a reason for them being there. You are amazing, and you are in His service!
Love you girl!
Oh, Anna! This is so beautiful. Thank you. I enjoyed the life we built together. I’m so very glad that despite the many miles that separated us, we are still close in heart. Although my hands may not be able to help, the God that hears my prayers, knows no distance. You are truly an amazing Mama. I always wished I could be the kind of person you are; who sees the best in people, who always thinks things through before responding, who shows how much you care with every word and action. Your children are so blessed to have you for a Mama. I love you.💕
Mom
Post a Comment