I wasn't feeling well that evening, and I climbed into bed early to try and rest my aching head before I had tucked the girls in for the night.
It didn't take very long for them to find me. Their faces light up when they see an opportunity to snuggle, and soon I looked over the side of our King size bed to see four little hands yanking desperately at the blankets, pulling and twisting for leverage. They were followed by two pairs of bright eyes, then two squirming, wriggling little night-gowned figures finally came crawling to fling themselves on top of me.
I couldn't help but smile while I adjusted blankets and pillows so they could snuggle in beside me.
I was expecting our little boy at the time, and my body was revolting against the pregnancy hormones. Migraine headaches, nausea, aches and pains, anxiety attacks (something I had never experienced before) and a multitude of other symptoms too unpleasant to describe. I was trying to decide on new living room furniture, and make some other important decisions, while balancing mom life, teaching piano lessons, and working as "book keeper" for my husband's business.
"Stressed" was an accurate word.
I was being overdramatic on purpose, but just to make Ethan laugh, and partly to vent the frustration, I laid my head back on the pillow and wailed: "WHYYYYYY are there sooo many changes at once??"
Hope (who had just turned two) looked up from the book that she was looking at. Calmly, and cool as a cucumber, she remarked; "Change is nice, Mom."
I was floored.
Out of the mouths of babes!
I didn't realize then, how important a reminder those words would be for me in the coming days.
I didn't know then that I would soon go into labor with our precious little boy, or that he would die in the hospital. I didn't know that family and friends would flood into our house with food and overflowing kindness. I didn't know what kind of sorrow would fill my days, or that my spirit would be pressed above measure; but God did.
Change is something that human nature, or at least mine, rebells against. We don't want to see our kids grow up, comforting spaces redecorated, nostalgic moments forgotten.. We make photo albums and scrapbooks to try and hold on to moments in the past; "keep them the same", emblazon them in our minds and hearts for all time.
But without the discomfort of change, we never grow up; physically or spiritually. Bones stretch and ache when we're children, so we can stand stronger and taller in the coming days. Our hearts are stretched and pressed by sorrows and hurts, that they can be strong for ourselves and others in the future.
How can we ever grow closer to God without trusting Him in the refining fires of hard days?
Thankfully, it doesn't always take something extreme, like the death of a child, to grow us further into His image. I believe that God often uses the small changes and discomforts to accomplish this as well; like a short attitude in your child, or the occasional monotonous "slump" of staying home with your children - the days when everything you've done seems to be in vain.
Just a little reminder from one mom to another: Embrace those "refining moments" at whatever time and in whatever strength they come. No matter how big, and no matter how small, even our minor hardships are never for nothing.
Change is good.
1 comment:
Hopie is such a sweetheart and so witty. She’s right. Change is nice. Difficult but necessary. Love you all soooo much.💕
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