In spite of moving 1000 miles away from where I grew up, I find myself surrounded by similar personalities. Different faces, yes. Different preferences, yes. But the same quirks, the same problems...the same old hidden secrets that eventually come to light...the same need to love and be loved in their own special ways; be they loud and outgoing, or quiet and reserved.
They all, at some point - or, "we all," if I'm honest - eventually come to some point in our lives when we finally look around and decide that "nobody cares" for us.
Always, I have been one of those lucky ones to be blessed with a close inner circle - at least one or two people, always, who provide a safe place and comfort. Always.
But moving that disclaimer aside: It constantly floors me when I hear beautiful, busy friends of mine - with bustling lives filled with people, and friends, and responsibility - admit the same old sentences that I've heard over and over since adolescent days;"I don't have many friends," or "I really don't fit in well," or "I wish I had a place."
And I have to sit back, looking at these beautifully successful lives, and wonder how in the world they've been tricked into these lies.
But not for long - as I see my own questions mirrored in their eyes, and realize that often our struggles are not as unique and secret as we think they are.
There's a solution for this, and it lies with us.
It can take less than five minutes to change this problem for someone, and it doesn't take empty, groping compliments to patch things up. All I ever had to do was point back to the good things that I'd heard people say about them; run back to my own observations, and to the honest truth that is too often shyly tucked back in silent admiration.
How many times are we too bashful to show how we really feel for each other? How many times do we decide that lending a helping hand "just won't fit in our schedule right now. Maybe when I have more time..." "We haven't had anyone over for supper in quite a while...but we're just so busy..."
People need to know they're loved, and admired, and cared for. It should never embarrass us to give a compliment when one is due.
What's wrong with saying you loved the hairstyle? What's awkward about mentioning that you "enjoyed that special song this morning"? What happened to encouraging someone just because you could?
It never hurts to build each other up, even if the friend in question doesn't look broken, or needy.
Such simple, honest compliments... simple ways of "showing up" for your friends... a little "clearing of the schedule" to go help someone, even when it's inconvenient... showing up for a birthday party... or making a meal for someone who's sick; these things encourage hearts and really make a difference in the world around us. More than that: It makes a difference in those we love.
I leave you with this question: Do your friends and family know how much you love them? Your husband? Your kids? How often do you really show it? It's worth considering.
3 comments:
I really enjoyed this post Anna, you always give me something to think about, I do think often times we think someone,(friend family, etc.) know how much they mean to us when really they have no idea, we could all do a better job and loving each other and telling each other just how much they mean to us.
Also I just watched your day in the life vlog (sorry I can't comment on YouTube) and I really enjoyed it, and I LOVE walking when I have the time I can walk for over three hours! just around our yard:)
-Rose
Showing our love has sadly become a lost art. I wonder what a difference we could make if we just followed the advice you gave for one month. Let us provoke one another to good works! Beautifully written.
I'm still learning from you, but I'm making my way to the top as well.
I definitely love reading everything that is posted on your site.Keep
the stories coming. I loved it!
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