OUT OF CONTROL | HOW THAT'S GOOD

“All of me, Lord.” The gentle dawn of almost-September stretches quietly across the lawn. Clear, cool air breathes over the dew-covered grass. “Hide me in all of You.”

I try to hide away in the warm blankets and have two hands free to type at the same time. It doesn’t work. 

This reminds me of the way I try to create “perfect” but end up with a surprise tantrum instead.

And the way I try to plan out a week, or a menu, or a day and am presented with a “three sixty” change in direction.

And the way that I have my life all laid out and planned out and ready…but God says “Wait,” or “Trust me,” or “Now!”

Tiny-huge attitudes change stuff. 

The daily grind of “Business Owning” will always change stuff. 

The grace of God changes stuff. 

Watching blue color the sky, seeing my day come to life, I realize how not in control I am. 

Everything I am is given, and everything I have. I can’t change lives for the good. I don’t know how to shape a temper-fit into Godliness that blesses others. I have zero answers to the mysteries of my own life, and less for the mysteries of the lives around me. I don’t know.

dontknowdontknowdontknow.

And that’s a good thing. 

A good, good thing. 

This is where my resting comes: in the place where “I can’t” but “He can.” Today is a day to reach up for His hand, and be okay with following behind, yielding like Him, watching Him work out the details that escape me. 

“You can’t change people, “ a thousand voices echo. That truth is written in stone by everybody everywhere…or, supposedly. Somehow, hard as we try to remember that, humans will go on trying to change themselves and each other. All the while, the real truth stands firmly; as unchangeable as we people think we are: GOD IS THE GIVER OF UNDERSTANDING AND THE CHANGER OF HEARTS. 

Toddlers, teenagers and grown-ups alike - He’s not beyond or behind any one of us. He knows it all. He wants us to ask. Today, tomorrow, the government, the rising of the sun - That’s all His business. He wants us to trust in that. 

I hear my babies stirring in their rooms. The sky has changed from paleness to vibrancy. Time for my hot tea. Time to change the laundry and get breakfast. 

All the normal tasks are laid out on my mental list, bold-faced. I smile, slowly looking them over, embracing what I can do, preparing myself to be okay with what I can’t. 

Motherhood is a “God-thing” that takes His strength and His wisdom; not mine. Turning to the day that waits for me, I hear a bird singing through the window and remember how He cares for the sparrows…and how he promised to be what I need. 

Hope, 8 months old.

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OUT OF CONTROL | HOW THAT'S GOOD