Friday, May 10, 2013

Tips for Training: Advice From Sister Lucille Erickson II

A while ago, I was doing a project for school in which I asked advice from seasoned moms who would be willing to share their knowledge. I asked sister Lucille to help me out; she's a mom of three who seek to serve Christ in all that she does - enjoy!
I think it's important to hold our babies like they are precious and priceless, not like a sack of potatoes. It also usually helps them not be so stiff to hold because they always feel secure and not having to use all their muscles to help hold themselves like those who hang over the arm all the time. I think we should respect them and others will respect them too as they grow. Holding them securely at all times creates a sense of security from a young age in them. Also try to meet their needs before they cry, if we can, so that we don't reinforce their crying.
I also see young mothers picking their children up and setting them down hard on a seat, and/or yelling at them (which only teaches them to yell). Some treat their children roughly all the time, even when they're not mad. They just don't have feelings of respect for these little beings and  don't treat them like a treasure. Thit will effect the child. I think it's sad.
We know what Bro. Branham taught us regarding when Billy Paul spanked his child in anger and the angel didn't like that at all. We want to be in control of our frustrations; realizing they are kids and are constantly learning by our example and guidance (as well as discipline) and will make mistakes and keep getting some things wrong. They get tired and fussy too...but we need to be patient (which is good example for them) with them and make them feel like they are important to us. Treating them respectfully, I feel, is very important. We don't want to throw them around like they are a sack of potatoes. Handle them lovingly - like they're a treasure. It'll change the way they act. How you treat them around other people will effect how others react to them. If you are always raising your voice or complaining about them, other people will look down on them too.
I also always tried to make sure sitting around the table was a positive experience. You never bring up negative situations, or bad things that happen during the day, nor should you be griping about isn't good for the digestive system, for one thing, and the meal time is a time to let all else go and share each others' day - accomplishments, stories, laughs... Focus on each other, be a family and make good memories at the table. 

To be realistic, it wasn't always that way, but was our goal and usual experience. Some days if there was something very sad, like a death of someone in church, or something else effects you... it's hard to be happy when so many are suffering. You just can't help but eat more quietly during those hard times...but I'm saying that this is the goal:  to make meal times electronic free, share positive things with your family and care about one another while you eat together. It's a memory in their minds that lasts a lifetime; and you're teaching them to do the same with their children, should the Lord tarry.
Another thing I see parents doing, is letting their children run wild at restaurants. I realize that after service their energy level is high and they long to get it out.  We long for them to wear it out too, but we also need to keep our testimony to the world around us; teaching them restaurant manners and cleaning up the area around us the best that we can. (If they drop food and make messes.)
Manners, manners, manners...we see such a lack of it these days. If anything was hard on me, Sundays were. First of all we had the almost 2 hour drive to church, then through service I was determined to train them to sit in church can't go to the nursery and do this when there are always mothers who let their kids run wild in the nursery. I would go in there to feed or change them quickly and then leave. If they couldn't be quiet in church, I would walk around downstairs or wherever I had to, to keep them quiet and get them used to hearing preaching, and not playing through it.

Bringing them too many toys in church taught them to play there. It also was a distraction to others. A book or notepad to doodle is fine, but that was usually all I would bring. My arms and back would get so tired and Brian would take his turn. But the learning process sure went faster than it did for other mothers who just went to sit in the nursery. I didn't want to miss out on any of the Word and knew I would need the encouragement for the week.
Later on at the restaurant, they would see other kids running around and would want down to run off their energy too. After all they had been sitting all day in a vehicle on the way to church, then through the service and now the restaurant????
Brian and I would take turns eating/feeding/holding them if needed, and trying to get them to be distracted with food, or whatever we could to keep them from running wild at the restaurant. It was a back breaker at times because of being tired of holding them from church already, but it helped them learn to be quiet at those places. Other people enjoyed our kiddies because they didn't see them running wild or being loud -  which created respect for them at a young age. It was well worth the back strain to know we were teaching our children to behave properly and we were rewarded eventually when we saw fruits of our labor.
It was the same on the airplane. We would have snacks, stand up holding them, or whatever we could figure to do to make it pleasant for the people around us. That holding time eventually got them used to being happy and content in our arms and made it nice when you needed them to behave and be quiet in different places or circumstances. They spent so much time in our arms when we were out and about and, thus, were happy there.
When I went to people's homes to visit, I saw some wonderful examples and tried to teach them to my children. When you first arrive, you have your children quietly sit beside you as you visit. Usually they are more quiet and shy (being in a new place) anyway. Then, after awhile, if one of the family's children asked them to come play or something, you can let them go. However, after awhile kids get all loosened up and tend to want to run and scream and make it difficult for the adults to visit. You sometimes feel that you have to speak to them quietly each time they forget and start running again and yelling, but you are helping them learn to control themselves and also quietly being an example to other parents who may have never thought about whether they should work with their children on those things.
At home I would try and work with them on what was an indoor voice and what  volume was allowed outside, if necessary. It helps if you talk to them regularly in soft voices. Then they learn to listen and realize they don't need to be loud in order to be heard. That's hard if you are not used to it, but well worth the try.

Outside it was harder to keep up with, but for the sake of the times  they would be with other children, I would get on to them if they became too wild and would notice. They want to please and be real little men and ladies, so I  would try to remember.

 It's good to train them to be in control of themselves at a young age. It helps them learn how to control other areas of conduct as they grow. Now of course, when you have a free spirited child, it will always be harder for them to learn self control, but you do the very best you can in a kind and patient way;  realizing that it will be harder and take longer for them to learn.
Sometimes we have to work on ourselves and where we are lacking while we're training our children in the same area. It doesn't always come easy, but it's worth all the trouble -  and when you mess up, you can use it as a teaching moment for them. "Uh oh, Mommy messed up and forgot". Treat them graciously when they mess up too, because they are also learning and makes it a game to remember the rules of conduct.

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