Tuesday, February 27, 2018

What I Didn't Understand About Parenting




I didn't understand, Mom. I thought you were mean. Looking back at my four year old self, I finally know that those spankings really did hurt you worse than me. I see the same look in my own child's eyes, feel the same ache that you felt, the same tinge of wondering if "she will ever get it,", and end the lesson the same way you always did - with a hug, almost crying myself.

It seemed strange to me when you would look back at us in the rear view mirror and say you loved us. It was so random, but we all "Loved you too," because we knew you did. Now I catch myself saying it to my girls in the backseat, and it all makes perfect sense.

I thought it wasn't important that we went over phonics flashcards until "cluh" and "cruh" and "da" and "druh" made my mouth dry. It was unreasonable that I had to cut out shapes until my hands ached , and glue them until my fingers were spider webbed in "Elmer's School Glue" -- But it helped me.

It wasn't fair that you called me from my dolls to put away that mound of clean dishes. I really thought  it almost touched the ceiling. It didn't occur to me til years later that you were the one with the equally laborious work of washing them.

Now I see why you gave me chores. And the extra school assignment, and lectures about things I thought I already knew. All the "No's" that didn't seem fair. Guiding my child away from the road, I see why I wasn't allowed to cross without you. Frustratedly pulling back the hair that's falling in her eyes, I remember why you told us not to "re-fix" our hair after you had french braided it. (I think those are cute now, by the way...)

I can honestly say that until I had two kids of my own, I never really appreciated what you did the way I should've; never fully understood all the times you did what I couldn't understand because it was best, and because you loved me.

I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it now.

And because of your example, someday my girls will too.

Happy Birthday, Mom.


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is just lovely<3
and aren't Moms just the best?:)
- Rose

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this sweet post. So many lessons to learn, so many hard things to go through. And just like children, we question the Father’s love, timing and ways. Being a parent has taught me so many things about our Heavenly Father. He loves us enough to correct us, He cares enough to train us. He loves us too much to leave us just as we are, knowing what He placed within has to be molded, shaped and refined. Love you so very much.
Mom

Sarah said...

This is beautiful Anna, and I can so relate. :-) I can't tell you how many times I look back to my own childhood during my parenting, and have memories of doing some of the same things I'm correcting in a child, and how my mother corrected me. It all makes so much more sense once you're a parent yourself! It also is humbling remembering my imperfect self at a young age. :-) But, you know, that helps me so much in having compassion on the child and helps me to be more"disciplining"(from the word disciple - 'to teach'. Mom taught me that one, too!) than "punishing".

God bless you and your sweet family,
Sarah

Anna said...

Hi Sarah!

Your comments are always so meaningful and well put. Thank you for being the amazing example that you are!!