Sunday, January 15, 2012

*Guest Post* On Boys and Modesty

*This letter is written by an anonymous young man. Tell me what you think.

A Letter to the Girls I Know:
Dear Girls,

There are two kinds of men: Godly men, and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I’m betting most of you said “a Godly man.” Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get. I don’t even have to know you! All I have to do is look at you. The kind of guy you want or will get is advertised by the clothing you wear. I know what men want. Trust me, I am a guy. I know more guys than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about, what we want, and what we look for, and it is different for each one of us depending on our relationship with God. I’m sure you already know this, but men were created differently than you. We have different desires and priorities. Our eyes and minds react very differently to some things than yours do. It isn’t disgusting, perverted, or wrong; it is wonderful and good! It is how God made us. It’s how we handle these differences that separate a Godly man from a worldly man.

A worldly man doesn’t control himself, rather, he looks at anything that attracts his attention or gets him excited. A worldly guy has no problem when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low-cut shirts, low-rise jeans, and “cute” little swim-suits. He’s a fan of tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form, he thinks they’re fine! Worldly guy watches a lot of TV and R-rated movies, isn’t really offended by sexual content or nudity and secretly dabbles in pornography. He’s a “Christian” and makes up a significant portion of your church and youth group. He’s a really nice guy and sees you mainly for your body. If you were to marry worldly guy, he’d bring lots of baggage into the relationship, have intimacy problems, entertain thoughts of other women, and possibly cheat on

A Godly man is in control of his drives and desires. He constantly seeks God and reads his Bible. He “walks in the Spirit” and isn’t set off by everything he sees. When immodestly-dressed girls, magazine covers, or risqué advertisements come into view, Godly guy quickly “bounces his eyes” away from the image. He’s constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind. He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire. Godly guy doesn’t watch much TV and is selective about the movies he sees. He views you as a person, knows you and respects you. He has your best interests in mind and guards against inappropriate thoughts of you. If you were to marry Godly guy, he would give you the emotional attention you need, he would ignore other women and remain faithful to you no matter what.

Unfortunately, there are more worldly men than Godly men. And to make matters worse, to the untrained eye, a worldly man can look a lot like a Godly man. So what can you do to only attract a Godly man? An important way of delineating between them lies in how you dress. As mentioned before, the clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for. If you dress immodestly, you will attract worldly guys and scare away the Godly ones. It all comes down to the kind of man you want to spend your time around and eventually marry. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday.

This issue isn’t limited strictly to you and your future relationship. The way you dress directly affects other men and women and their relationships. You don’t see the struggles, the pain, the tears and the sin that you cause, but I can promise that you would be shocked if you did! Ask any Christian young man; we’ve all seen it. It’s kept hidden but it is definitely there. By dressing immodestly, you effectually spit on the struggles of our weaker ranks, appearing to care more about toying with us than helping us. You’ll never know how many broken relationships and lifestyles of sin you’ve contributed to simply by the way you dress. You want to marry a Godly man someday, well so do many other women. Don’t just help yourself and your future, help all women and their relationships by showing discretion in your dress.

Of course, I understand the desire to look stylish, attractive, and “cute.” It’s important to fit in and get attention. Trust me, it can be done modestly! I also understand that it is easier for some girls to find stylish and well-fitting clothes than it is for others. This is an area where guys really don’t understand what you are up against. But just remember, for every sacrifice you make to honor God with your image, Godly men are making sacrifices in their lives that are just as hard, if not harder! They will and do respect you so much for choosing to be modest! A real lady is conscientious of the image she presents, and real men want a real lady. And you can forget about any guys missing out on how attractive you are because you don’t wear revealing clothing. You could wear a circus tent and we would still know; it’s a gift we have.

And so the question still remains: What kind of man do you want? Answer me with your clothes.


Ireland said...

Wow, that is powerful! I hope plenty of girls read this post! I really agree with this!

Good job to the young man who wrote this!


Bailey said...

I think this letter is good on many different levels. My dad's always telling me that in today's world, "perception is reality," and as Christians, we ought to be conscious of this. Plus, no girl wants the stigma of looking worldly or causing a guy to stumble.

But I feel it's...I don't know...simplistic, maybe? Godly men aren't defined by the kind of movies they view or how much TV they watch. Godly women aren't made by the clothes they wear. Certainly they can be indicators either way, but there are so many other things that scream "godly guy" and "worldly girl" more clearly. Personally, I wouldn't care for a guy who looked only at outward appearances. I would want one who loved me for who I was and was becoming and who loved other girls and treated them as princesses even if they dressed like trash.

I appreciate young men like this anonymous gentleman who want to guard their hearts and marriages and encourage girls to do the same. I totally understand that guys think differently than girls -- but girls think differently than guys, too! We don't always know what clothes will tempt men. Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we're just ignorant. But it doesn't negate the fact that we want godly husbands or that we're "worthy" of godly husbands. I felt this letter lacked that grace and understanding a little. It might be more effective to pull aside offending girls and gently, lovingly tell them that their low-cut blouse isn't modest than to emphasize clothing choices as a way to get or drive away potential suitors.

Just my two cents -- I don't mean to be divisive, for I appreciate what he's striving to say and I'm so glad there are young men out there who value chastity and modesty. Excellent thought-provoker, Anna!

Kara said...

Modesty: a touchy issue for most people, usually girls.

The young man writing the aritcle did a great job. He wrote what it's really like for the "godly-men" nowdays.

EVERY girl likes to have cute clothes and look nice. We just have to be careful about what we wear and even how we walk carry ourselves. The Bible says, if a man lust after her in his heart it's the same as if he had committed adultry with her. - I, myself don't want to have committed adultry, with the way I dressed.

Great post, Anna!

Anonymous said...

Dear Bailey,
"If it were only about finding a man, that would be right. The point isn’t “dress modest to find a man who will treat you well”, though. The point is this: a godly man will never be attracted to a girl who dresses immodestly. Modesty must flow from a heart that belongs to God for it to matter at all. A girl with a modest heart will dress in modest clothing (that includes clothes that aren’t too extravagant and so forth)." ~Anna Wood
I think her reply addresses your concerns.
Much love,
~Mrs. Pyatskowit

Bethany Grace said...

I agree, for the most part. But I think how we dress should not be, "What do the guys think" but what does Christ think? I for one would not want to cause a man to stumble (I don't think anyone would...purposely) but we need to be careful in this area. I kinda got the impression that a "godly guy" stays away from those "un-modest" girls. Yes, clothes says a lot about you, but it might be a rash judgement. And although the "un-modest" girl might be in the wrong concerning clothes, she might also be very strong in the Lord, thus making the godly man to stick up his nose at her, because she has broader standards concerning clothing. Or a girl could dress modestly and be far from the Lord. Christian life is a lot more than just clothing and I think how we look at people should be from the heart, not the outward appearance.

I'm not saying ladies who dress un-modestly have the right to dress so (all in the name of loving God), but clothing is a stumbling block for many young ladies, and that area may be a weakness. I think we should correct them in love, instead of judging and cracking the whip that they'll be doomed to marry an ungodly man because of their dress.

I'm glad this anonymous gentlemen feels the need to point out this area, and that it bothers him when girls aren't careful with what they wear, and I definitely agree with this circular reasoning? I failed that in logic...I hope you understand what I mean. ;D


Emily said...

Hi there!

I just found this blog today (by searching "eggies" on google of all things) and what a great post to start with. It really made me think, is the boy I am dating a Godly or Worldly type? Thankfully, he is Godly.

What the post said about how "Worldly" guys make up a lot of the youth group, that made me think about a book series I have read, the Christy Miller Series by Robin Jones Gunn. If you haven't read it, you SHOULD!! There is a character named Rick, who is a complete Worldly guy. My friend and I always use the expression "What a Rick thing to do" to describe some of the guys in our youth group.

Thanks a lot for your blog!


Anna said...

Your welcome Emily, thank you for your comment.

I haven't read that series, but it sounds interesting. :)

God Bless