Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Overwhelmed | The Gift Of Wisdom | Remembering

“You’d better start praying now.” 

My Mom is always ready with an answer when I have a child-raising question. I put her through the ringer when I went through the terrible twos…Getting ready to welcome Thing 2 into this family of mine, Haven’s world was about to turn upside down and retribution was swiftly coming to visit my own parenting experience. Of course Mom had practical proverbs to share, but that one sentence shouted loudly above the rest. 

“You’d better start praying now.”

Haven’s world did, indeed turn upside down. Christmas Eve blessed us with a sweet, laid back little angel for a second child. When I held her, my independent sassyfrass found a sudden craving to be held too. The smallest frustration brought a tantrum. She wanted her quiet little routine back. Her life. Her Mama. 

This want was marked by a side of her that I had never seen before. I guess it comes out differently in every kid…hers came out with a vengeance. 

I didn’t know what to do, except to embrace those small clinging arms and fold her close to my heart. Nothing worked; cuddling, scolding, comforting, disciplining, rocking --  My nerves were stretched tighter than guitar strings. 

My own threatening tears were close to the surface; my calm voice seemed like deceit. I loved her so much - how could I make her normal again? I didn’t know. 

I think that’s the worst feeling for moms everywhere; the echoe-y realization that you don’t know. 

My problem sounded insignificant to most people; "She'll grow out of it." "It just takes time." But for me, those days that turned to weeks were my own personal struggle; real, present, and horrible. It hurts to watch your baby hurting.

One afternoon, mentally exhausted, listening to Haven cry herself to sleep, I remembered this verse in James: “Do any of you lack wisdom? Let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed. Let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.”

Trust. The key to my peace. 

God does give wisdom, and He does answer prayer. Today she follows me around the house singing at the top of her lungs. Every morning she coos to Hope and strokes her hair “gently.” She’s still herself - fiery and inquisitive, but its easy to see that she’s come back to a place of security. There’s still moments, and she’s still one-and-a-half: but the difference in her is amazing. 

What happened? God knew what she needed. He could look into her mind and heart and see exactly what was wrong. He put together every part of her from the beginning - He knew it all, and saw it all when there was no way I could. He gave us the strength to be consistent, and the grace to understand. She came out of it. 

 Ever been there? It's a place I still visit regularly - that void ground of "Not Knowing." From one Mom to another: No matter what book you read on first borns, husbands or kids in general, nobody has all the answers but the One who put them together and gave them to you. Ask and receive. Seek and  find. Knock - it'll be opened. 

Who said?

He did. 

I think part of the reason God gives us the children He does is so we’ll seek Him. Fiery trials are what takes the two-year-old out of us and grows us into His image. We sing about “Longing to be like Jesus,” and sometimes, more often than we realize, the hot tears of a little girls’ temper are a growing experience for us as much as they are for her. God has a sense of humor; but He is wise. 

Trust and don’t be afraid.  


Kristen said...

I love this! It sounds like your mom is full of wisdom!

Anonymous said...

You and Ethan are amazing parents! It’s so special to see how you are striving to raise your family according to God’s standards. Love the way you all love each other. And I am so thankful to be a very small part of your lives.

Anna said...

Thank you! She certainly is. We have counseling sessions pretty nearly every day. 😂