Thursday, March 29, 2018

What I Want My Girls To Know | About Happy Marriage


The times you whisper "You're so pretty" when nobody's looking.

When you walk in the door and Haven comes running, arms flung open for a hug.

The way you include me whenever you can in whatever you're doing, even though I'm perfectly helpless in your world.

How we lay awake and dream big late at night.

Your quietness. It makes me happy to be the one who gets to hear the real, strong, opinionated side of you that most people would never suspect.

When you hold my hand in the car.

Your "make it happen" attitude that brings fruition to my dreams.

How you're always warm when I'm freezing.

How opposite we are; there's a balance between the two of us.

Really, Babe, I love everything about you.


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This morning I decided to just go ahead and write out my overwhelmed gratefulness for the man in my life. If I wrote out everything, you'd probably give up reading my scribbles a quarter of the way through.

In the sleepy quiet of this afternoon, I realize that if there was ever one thing that I wanted my girls to know; if something ever happened and they had to grow up without me, the key to a happy marriage is one thing I would want to pass on.

It's so sad to me how couples fall out of love after a while. It hurts me to hear women complain about their husbands, and sit four years away from them in church. I used to notice those things in other couples before I got married, and wondered silently how they got to that place. I mean, surely at some point they were happy - what changed?

One night, before we married, Ethan and I promised each other we would never let that happen. You can always be newlyweds in your hearts if you keep your thought life vigilantly, and never take each other for granted.

It's work; but it's worth it. It's common sense that in spite of your best intentions, if you spend every day and every night together, at some point you're going to step on each other's toes. Maybe lightly - like, with a flip-flop. Maybe hard - like, a size 10, muddy logger boot.

"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" - that's scripture. You want a happy marriage? Think positive. I agree: you deserve to fume silently when you feel he's done you wrong. You even deserve to give him a piece of your self-righteous mind -- but quiet prayer will do more than you're argument ever will, and those rogue thoughts of yours will tinge the edges of your relationship with silent poison.

All the marriage advice books are crowing that "COMMUNICATION IS KEY!" It is. I agree. But nothing is ever won in an argument, no matter how softly the words are spoken, whether you cry or not, and in spite of your good reason for voicing an opinion. Quick words will leave a harsh rend that's hard to forget. It'll heal, but there will always be a scar there, reminding him of your ability to cut him down in a heart beat.

"I'm a strong independent woman, and I'm not to be run over!" Right. Nor should you be. But keeping your mouth shut takes a whole lot more strength than giving a piece of your mind. Try it sometime.

In case I wasn't plain enough: Girls, if you want to be happy: NEVER ARGUE. Fight hard, and fight long - but do it on your knees, alone with God.

It's almost been three years now, we've had two kids, we've been building a business, and there've been long, trying days for both of us. In spite of all the tired times, the hard times, and the times when life was discouraging, by God's grace we're still very much in love - because we made a pact to never argue. I'll never regret keeping my mouth closed and my eyes wide open to see how God would handle what I gave to him.

Happiness isn't an impossibility, it's what God wants for you.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Such a legacy of love to pass on to your children! Lovely post.

Anonymous said...

Anna this is beautiful, I love everything thing you said soooo much.
I have to keep it in mind for if I ever get married<3

- Rose

Anonymous said...

I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but
your sites really nice, keep it up! I'll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later.
Many thanks

Elisabeth said...

Excellent post as always. ♥

Anna said...

Thanks guys! Always love hearing from you.