Monday, August 12, 2013

See, I have this "thing" for Peanut-M&Ms

Red...and blue...and brown...and a big yellow bag on the middle console. My dream come true.

How could she. How?

I was trying to be good, but now, this.

I heard them clunking and rattling into my cup-holder. (Right where she always used to put them...a long, long time ago, before we started the G.A.P.S. diet)

I had been wrestling with myself ever since I first saw her grab the bag off of the shelf.

I steeled myself. "I will not have any. At all. It would be horrible. In reality, I'd be poisoning myself. There's no way. I was so sick last time I cheated. I can't do this. But...I have to. She'll feel bad if I don't. I'll just have a handful."

And I felt my hand reaching, groping into that little cup-holder. Oh, the satisfaction of little, hard, chocolaty pebbles, all the colors...

There. I'd done it.

Crunching M&M's with my teeth, digging in my brain for more excuses, my hand stole back to the hollow in the console over and over and over, until I really didn't care anymore. I was having a grand time.

We got home - and nothing happened.

I went to bed - and nothing happened.

I woke up - and nothing happened.

Went through the day - and nothing happened.

I crawled into bed - and nothing happened.

I woke up in the middle of the night - and thought I would die.

In the blackness, I got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. "Anna," I was thinking, "You are so dumb. " I waited there, my stomach a knot of hurtful cramping. I hoped I wouldn't throw up, but it felt like I ought to, any minute now... Oh, I guess not. Any minute now...Oh, I guess not. And, in sleep-fogged delirium, I don't know how long I stayed before figuring I'd be fine and shuffling painfully back to bed.

                                                "Be sure your sins will find you out."

Now, technically, cheating on your diet isn't a sin, but my body seemed to think it came pretty close. When I think about it though, I notice that the formula of big temptations is surprisingly similar to small ones.

In both cases of temptation (namely, "small" or "large") I am reminded that we are never a victim of the temptation. I'll leave you with this verse.

" There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. "1st Corinthians 10:13

Have you ever cheated on your diet? Misery loves company if you'd like to share. ;)

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