Friday, April 20, 2012

How Not To Make Doughnuts

1. Do not quickly dump the yeast into 1 and 1/2 cups of lukewarm water before carefully re-checking the recipe to realize that it was supposed to be 1 and 1/2 cups of milk. (You'll look through the "bread" section of your mother's cookbook and decide that if you triple the pizza dough recipe and add another half cup of lukewarm water, you can still use the yeast.)

2. Do not hold the bag of yeast too close to the stove burner when adding two tablespoons of it to the lukewarm milk. (A hole will form on the bottom of the bag and yeast will silently slip out of it onto the floor and cause it to look slightly like the beach. Too, it will fill your burner half-way and then spill under the stove top.)

3. Do not keep the pan over top of the yeast-burner to hide it because you just can't take any "Ohhhhh Annaaaa"s at the moment. (You'll turn on the wrong burner and some of the yeast will burn onto the burner and the new yeast mixture will be ruined.)

4. Never ever ever ever ever use the flour in the "Whole Wheat Flour" bin when it is really "Oat Flour". Oat flour has no  gluten (Really. Mom looked it up for me.) Thus, neither the pizza dough or the doughnuts will rise at all and the finished products will probably taste like dried oats.

5. Don't try to fry something made with oat flour. It flakes apart while boiling in the oil:

(The one on the right had been picked apart before the picture was snapped.)

6: If you want, you can still try baking the doughnuts when you find out that you can't boil the rest. They don't taste like doughnuts to you, but two reviewers said they were good. You can wing it if you want to.):

7. Don't feel sorry for yourself or worry that you'll never be a good cook for your family. Your mother will encouragingly inform you of why the doughnuts didn't turn out - for goodness sake, you couldn't help that somebody put the Oat Flour in the Whole Wheat Flour bin! - and remind you of your kitchen "specialties."

'Twas a good lesson in baking.


Bethany Grace said...

That's what bakeries are for. I tried making something similar - I decided I'd better just focus on making meals. ;D

Sounds like we have similar baking experiences.. *winks*

Anna said...

:D Thanks for the....hmm... what shall I call it..... encouragement? :D I appreciate your comment.

Sanger Family said...

LOL!!! My *desserts* usually turn out similar!!! Your second attempt at making the doughnuts looks very yummy!!!