Thursday, January 26, 2012

But I'm Nothing

Slowly I crossed over, again and again, feeling the burning ache in each foot as it bore my weight. The sun glowed on the ice as I circled, round and round, lisening to my siblings and their friends talking behind me.

It was a beautiful day, I admitted it, but I was also allowing myself to experience the crashing, dark weather of sad thoughts that often burdened me and seldom allowed happiness to seap through.

"You're not very pretty"
"You really aren't very smart"
"You're not good at being on time"
"Everybody laughs at you because you can't do anything right"
"Nobody cares about you"

I continued let the thoughts drip one-by-one into my mind, feeling burdened and all alone.

Finally as the afternoon wore into evening and then bedtime came around, I settled down in our living room and talked to my Mom about it.

What she said went something like this:

Stop thinking about you. Yes, you're imperfect. Sure, you make mistakes - but you shouldn't dwell on those things. The Bible says to think on things that are "excellent or praiseworthy" and your faults don't fit into those categories, do they?

You're working on your weak areas - making them stronger - but your sole focus shouldn't be on you. Focus on God and focus on "Doing unto others."

I left the living room with a whole new outlook on life. If I focused on making others happy, making them have a good time, making them feel appreciated and "worth it," my life would probably be a whole lot happier. When I'm not thinking of me, I'm not thinking about my weaknesses, how bad I am, how good I am, how terrible my hair looks, how awful that acne appears, etc.

Do you think Jesus was working for His own "best interest" when He went to the cross? What about Mary? Was she looking out for her immediate "best interest" when she said "Be it unto me according to Thy will?"

What do you think?


Emma Margaret said...

Mamas help alot with our problems.

Elisabeth said...

Listen to your mother. She's so right. When you're at this stage in life everything seems HUGE but if you keep your focus on what's right and good you can become an influencer on those around you. Real beauty ALWAYS catches peoples attention.

I think you are a very wonderful young lady. You have my highest respect and I'm realy proud of your standards.

By the way, because of who you are, you make life more interesting. My Zach is just that way. Everyone has fun when he's around. The world needs unconventional people.

Whatsoever is pure, lovely and good, think on these things. (something like that)

Anna said...

Thank you both for your comments. :)

Sister Elisabeth, thanks SO much for the encouragement. Gives me more hope. :D