Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Trust His Heart

I sat on our patio swing choking back tears and pretending to be in deep concentration over my warm "ice tea." A tear slid down my cheek, and I bit the edge of the plastic cup I drank out of.

They were gone. All of them. The first parting - back in Montana - hadn't been nearly as hard as this one. My cousins and I all love each other dearly and had a blast together, none of us kids wanted to leave. It wasn't fun leaving them, but we had to go sometime and we tried to be fairly cheerful about it...

But now, ALL of them were gone. We had just come back from dropping my best "cousin" friend and Grandparents off at the airport. Their flight would be leaving in a matter of minutes now.

Someone was tapping on the window above my head. It was probably Becca. She had cried almost all the way home - as had I.

I could still see my best friend's tear-stained, red, cheeks and her bright green eyes that glistened as she let go of my arm, gave me a long hug, and walked into airport security. We watched her and my grandparents until they were all the way through the jungle of equipment and waved to us on the other side.

Then I remembered my own voice, drastically denying an accusation from my laughing cousins during one of our midnight conversations inside my Uncle's camper.

I saw a piece of old wood fly off of the burn pile in the middle of the horse pasture, and again felt the pure dread I felt the first time I stood helpless and watched, as a frantic horse reared up and fell back, smashing my cousin to the ground.

I laughed when the whole of our two families piled into the big, blue, fifteen passenger van (known to all of us as "The Whale") and sang Veggie Tales songs like lunatics for a few hours or so. We sang "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" the best I'd say.

I watched Mamaw painstakingly cutting out a strip of fabric for my quilt, concentration wrinking her forhead, and a look that could almost be labled as "solemn" on her face. My Grandmother's character could be compared with that of a saint.

Becca skipped over to me and smiled. I smiled back. She skipped up the cement steps and banged on the front door. - The one that Papaw had just helped us put up.

But - oh, they were gone now. Gone...gone...gone... Why did we have to live so far apart? It's not fair that best friends can't see each other in person except for once or twice a year. It's hard to only talk on the phone or through and email account or chat window.

- And the ones in Montana! The two oldest could be married by the time we see them again!

But suddenly, before I could say anything more, a song began to play in my mind.

"God is too wise to be mistaken,
And God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand,
When you can't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand,
Trust His heart."

As it continued to play through my mind I remembered that Jesus Himself knew what it was to be lonely. At the cross He was deserted by most of His so called "friends."

A study was done that claims our Lord died of a broken heart, not from the cross. Can you imagine such sorrow? How much He loved the human race, And - oh- how we hated Him in return. He was so "alone" as some of us might put it, for even His "best friend" turned away from Him, because Amighty God couldn't look at the load of sin His own son bore that day.

Yes. God knows all about being lonely and faraway from best friends. I'm sure He'll work this out for my good - As God always does.


Maddi said...

I almost started crying reading this, I have friends who live 10 hours away that I haven't seen for years, and my friends from camp who I might not see again until eternity.

But, I heard a saying a while back that best friends aren't determined by how often you see someone, but how when you don't see them for a long time and you're still as good of friends. (Does that make sense? I don't explain it well.)


P.S., I'm giving you a virtual hug too cheer you up. :)

Maria said...

Anna, I wish I could be there to give out free hugs! I hope you feel better soon. wouldn't it be nice if all of our friends and family live in one place. I know I felt just like you do now when we left Cheektawaga, NY. I love going but, I really hate leaving Grandma and Papa. I know, I feel your pain. Ahh well, all we can do is stay in touch and send love from afar right?

Kara said...

Anna -

I about cried when they left, and when you described Mamph, I almost cried again. It's not fun having a friend or bestfriend leave, but just think, we will see them on Thanksgiving!!!

Love you!


Bethany said...

Awww...we just dropped our Grandmama off -- and it is rather dull and sad around here (thankfully Chase is here though!)

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* Hope you feel better -- and thanks for the reminder!


Bailey said...

Ah, dearest, you have a sweet heart. I bawled like a baby when I left TeenPact last January and I have some special friends I may never see (or see again). Love and departure hurts. But like you said, the biggest comfort to me has always been the love of Christ Jesus and His friendship. It's not a goody-two-shoes cliche...it's a reality for His children.

Don't you just love our God?


Anonymous said...

good!it' s very utilitarian!thx!